Ellocin

blech...woke up and think i'm getting a cold...my roommate has one so it will be no surprise to be if i am getting it too.  I catch everything because of my low white blood cell's. i see my...

I had my appointment this morning with my psychiatrist.  I completely chickened out about the hospital thing...but I see her again Wednesday so if I still feel the need maybe I'll look at it again...

i am getting ready for bed but i wanted to write firstit's 3am now and my appointment is at 10am.  I haven't decided about the hospital yet...i am really starting to lean towards it because i know i...

not good not good not goodi feel very lonely, i don't know...i feel very much like i'm dangling over the edge of a cliff and losing my grib...it's scary.... i posted awhile back some of the lyrics...

oh good g-d i feel like crap physically today....what is up with that...my head, my stomach, legs, arms....did someone run over me with a big truck while i was sleeping...  so I'm just laying here...

my psychiatrist called...she did bump my appointment up to Monday morning instead of Wednesday...and even that feels like an eternitywe talked for a bit...she also advised if i am struggling over the...

I may seem crazy Or painfully shy And these scars wouldn't be so hidden If you would just look me in the eye I feel alone here and cold here Though I don't want to die But the only anesthetic that...

2 hours of sleep doesn't cut it...but that's all i got.I had 2 appointments today...neither one of which were the one i needed...The first one was with my Rheumatologist...she want's me to see...

sleep seems to be an impossiblitiy right now so i rebooted up the computer and came back online feel quite miserable and alone...not even my roommates cat wants to be around me right now...he came...

I'm starting to fall apart again.  I always think I'm okay but it's always proven wrong.  I can't take all these ups and downs.  I need a break from everything.  I need a break from life.  I...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucki can't wait tell fucken next wednesday....i'm fucken gonna lose it before then i'm barely holding together nowi told her i not doing well i don't think i can wait that...

 losing my mind, don't know how much more i can takewhy won't they call me back....i think it's because i'm a waste of time

Have I ever mentioned I hate having the diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder?  I'd rather be completely unaware of this disorder, at least in relation to me having it.  I'm realizing I'm...

I'm so fucken tired of life.  It doesn't really matter anymore anyway.  I don't feel like it's worth the effort to try anymore to get better.  I've decided to stop wasting the dr's time, so I...

Not sure what my problem is but woke up at 3pm today feeling absolutely miserable.  Can't seem to shake this feeling today.  It's very overcast today...grey and rainy...maybe that has something to...