i am getting ready for bed but i wanted to write firstit's 3am now and my appointment is at 10am.  I haven't decided about the hospital yet...i am really starting to lean towards it because i know i can't keep on the path i am on...things are getting worse and worse...not better...sure i feel better for a day or two but it always seems to get worse immediately after...i posted a pic of myself here...well sorta....it's been distorted....but it's probably as close as i'll get on here to showing an actual pic of myself...some people who see it may recognize it from the original non distorted version and that is scary but i am willing to chance iti came across more lyrics i like tonight...here they are... On the outside all we see is clay That hides the perfect light But no one really knows the pain inside I understand how much it hurts To be the one who's never seen The missing pages in a magazine No one knows you anymore You're lost inside the walls you've built No one knows you anymore A prison deep within your soul There is One who sees it all He'll give you life you've never dreamed He can see the pain underneath your skin It's hard to see you fading Nothing that I do can bring you back I pray to God that you don't fade away Your addiction is a symptom of a lost and dying soul Without Jesus there's no hope at all There's so much more this is not the endI am a Christian...a struggling one...but I do believe things will eventually get better as bad as it feels right now...I know He's allowing me to go through these struggles for a reason...but knowing that doesn't really make it easier right now... the part i really identify with right now is :  No one knows you anymore You're lost inside the walls you've built No one knows you anymore A prison deep within your soul  That is basically exactly right....and i'm even lost to myself Anyway...i need to sleep...