oh good g-d i feel like crap physically today....what is up with that...my head, my stomach, legs, arms....did someone run over me with a big truck while i was sleeping...  so I'm just laying here as usual semi paying attention to the computer...mostly just off in my own little world..since looking at the screen hurts...fighting the urges to cut....wishing the world would swallow me up...but that is nothing new lately...i'm happy to report i've lost another 5lbs since last time I checked.  That is wonderful.  Another 10 would be awesome.  I do definitely have to start moving more...some sit ups, push ups, jogging in spot....anything.  I don't have to leave my room to do those things so I really have no excuse....just need to stop being so effin lazy.I was talking to my mom for a minute today....she wants to drop in...I don't want her to so I told her I might not be home..and haven't answered her last calls.   I'm not usually like that with my mom...but haven't been wanting to talk to her or much of anyone in a while.well i gotta go....not sure why but i gotta go...