sleep seems to be an impossiblitiy right now so i rebooted up the computer and came back online feel quite miserable and alone...not even my roommates cat wants to be around me right now...he came into my room and let out a big hiss...then growled...and left again... i tried calling the crisis line (not even sure if it is appropriate for me to do so)...called about 4 times....hung up before anyone answered...then finally convinced myself to stay on and it went to their voicemail...i know they are busy with someone else....but it feels like they're just too busy for me...like i'm not worth it... i keep trying to sleep...put on a nice relaxation cd and turned off the lights...it's like as soon as the lights are out i start to break down again....i'm hot...and i'm cold....i'm tired but i can't sleep...i don't know what to do with myself....after trying to sleep i got up for a bit and moved around...did some stuff tell i started to relax again...but as soon as i try to lie down and sleep it all just backfires on me...i know i've been pulling away from everyone...i know now then ever i need to fight this and reach out and hear a human voice...and to keep reaching....but it is so hard when it's like every ounce of me would rather just pull away further...it's different on here...no offense...but i need to actually hear someone or see someone....my online world (although I don't know what i'd do without it) isn't where I'm suppose to be reaching...i don't think...but it's so much easier and safer here....