Ellocin

not sure what went wrong...today was overall good day tonight couldn't fight the cutting urges any longer...*sigh*

Wow, I'm beat.  Yesterday was Canada Day and I've been on the go.  It definitely hasn't been a typical 24 hours for me.  I went to my sisters yesterday for a family get-together and a BBQ.  We...

I'm very tired today and having a hard time motivating myself to do anything but I've been doing stuff anyway.  I called my sister this afternoon and asked her if she was going to her churches...

hmmm....well I thought I had wrote already that I was back.  Guess not.  *shrugs*  I have such a wonderful memory.  My time at my parents wasn't too bad.  I enjoyed the day trip with my mom. ...

Going away for a couple nights.  Will write when i get back. I don't really feel like going but I know it will be good for me to get out of my place for a few days.  Going to go to my parents and...

Not impressed.  Woke uo wide awake at 4:19am.  Fell asleep around 11- 11:30pm though so probably got close to 5 hours sleep.  Thats a little more then the night before.  This is just...

Well, I feel okay at the moment.  I'm exhausted to the point of feeling nauseaus but other then that I'm not too bad.  I saw my psychiatrist and we decided to start trying Effexor.  I was on it...

okay, this is getting kinda old.  I only slept about 4 hours last night.  I'm used to my sleep being messed...but usually it's more just at the wrong time of day...not such small amounts.I had a...

I was awake all night...I don't remember what I wrote last but I did sleep a couple hours and woke up about 30 min before midnight last night.  So much for sleeping through the night.  Anyway, it...

Well just woke up again...was hoping I'd sleep through the night...didn't even make it to midnight.  Feeling more and more like I don't belong on this planet.  Feeling more and more that everyone...

well i made it through the night without taking anything.  I'm not entirely convinced that's a good thing.  I wish in the past it had worked...then i wouldn't be here to feel like this.  I am...

I don't really feel like trying anymore.  Yeah so I had a reasonably good day...so what.  I feel like taking a bunch of pills and hopefully not waking up...but I've done that so many times and I...

Right now I'm exhausted so I'm soon gonna head to bed.  My moods are sooooo messed lately.  I don't know what to expect of them, they change so frequently.  I still have lots of urges to cut/od...

I'm mad at myself.  I gave into the cutting urges last night...first time in 8 months.    Yet I want to keep doing it...I feel like there is nothing out there for me.  No reason to try and fight...

I'm so fricken mad right now.  I finally got the energy to go to the store...took me all day...looked around...talked myself out of buying bad stuff (razors, meds) bought myself a semi-good...