Leapyear22
Status: Happy.
Mood:
Excellent
Offline
- Day 45 GF! I have noticed over the last couple of days, I'm feeling tense, and reacting quickly and swiftly to issues, small issues, but I am still reacting. I am not being "mean" but passionate, its hard to explain, with work, friends and family,...
- My recovery reminds me of when I was pregnant, and my daughter was born. EVERYONE, and I mean, everyone had an opinion on how I should raise her. I tried to listen, and take advice, but after a while I realized, I had to do it my way, although I...
- My morning now starts with a cup of coffee, and reading and writing about my journey in recovery. Its a lot better than coming home from a few days out gambling and trying to figure out how I can clean the mess up real quick. In reading the other...
- Had a great day yesterday! But, last night when I went to sleep, I had a terrible nightmare, I gambled, and I was driving home, hysterical, in my dream I was contemplating suicide,,, or hurting myself, it was awful, I couldn't wake up out of it,...
- Participate in my life. I get to, be emotionally available. And pay my bills, wow, what a concept. Today is day 39 gamble free. I actually have some money in the bank and my credit score is actually already going up since I'm paying off my credit...
- The last couple of days we have been dealing with fires throughout San Diego County, there is one in my neighborhood, you can actually see the flames from my back windows, and its 0% contained. Living through the fires in 2007 in San Diego has made...
- Oct 2007, I was at Oceans 11 Casino, Oceanside, CA. During one of my very long stints in the poker room, there was a rumor of a fire in San Diego. Of course I was consumed with my game, my daughter called me and told me about it, but I wasn't too...
- For me, no, I am almost grateful there isn't a quick fix. When I would come home from being gone, for days on end, I would want to make a quick fix, of everything around me, I lied my ass off, and now that I think of the lies I told, I can totally...
- Tonight, I was leaving my sisters and had to drive right by a major casino in San Diego, billboards all along the way, with arrows, and promises of big wins. I honestly had no desire to go, not a tiny bit. I didn't realize how huge that was until...
- Recovery is such a different world for me, I am going to enjoy a holiday, (mothers day), rather than sit in a casino, and there were plenty of holidays I spent in a casino. I am going to participate in a family gathering tomorrow, and make dinner...
- Breath, in and out, in and out. As a compulsive gambler, in recovery, I can't help but think a lot about my behavior over the last several years, going back 10 at least. The times I admitted I was a compulsive gambler, the times I cried, on my...
- Whenever I go to a meeting, physically or on a call, I leave with a smile on my face, and hope in my heart. I won't lie, sometimes, I dread it, or I can think of other things I can be doing, but, when I go, I never regret it. Tonight was no...
- 30 days ago, I was exhausted, financially and emotionally drained. Not sure what triggered me into wanting this so bad, it wasn't any different than any other times I had gone out, although my addiction has progressively gotten worse of the years. ...
- Yes, peace. I feel asleep watching TV last night, didn't even make it to my room, I feel asleep early, which is strange for me, I'm a night owl, and I also get up super early for work, needless to say, I get only a few hours of sleep each night....
- DAYS, 28 days. Monday, at work, actually got sleep this weekend, because I wasn't out gambling, staying up all night, not eating, and of course, losing all my money. Today, is much better than the last several days, work helps me think about...