Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Breath, in and out, in and out. As a compulsive gambler, in recovery, I can't help but think a lot about my behavior over the last several years, going back 10 at least. The times I admitted I was a compulsive gambler, the times I cried, on my knees, cried. The family members I worried, and they worried, the amount of money, and its gross, that I lost. I wouldn't eat for days on end, and this last time around for me, I was beyond reckless, with my funds, my work, my family. When I would come home from being gone for a few days, I would swear, I would never do it again, but I didn't work the program, I didn't reach out for help. Even the therapist I was seeing specifically for gamblers, kind of gave up on me. My gambling history, and self destruction created so much hurt, for the people I love, so much worry, for the people that love me. Created financial hardship, and fear. Fear... Fear, that crippled me, stopped me in my tracks, and didn't allow me to really "see" I am truly an obsessive, sick girl. All these years, I had an excuse, I covered it up, I ran from the truth. Today, I will own it, today, I will feel it, today, I am not placing a bet, I'm not gambling, and I'm learning, not waiting to exhale. I am sorry for all the people I worried, I hurt. I love you, thank you for allowing me to go through this, without passing judgement on me, thank you for not bailing me out, thank you for taking this recovery journey with me. Exhale. xoxox
XXXOOO Lisa
You just keep amazing me with the depthness of your insights and posts.
You seem to ponder the questions from all angles and then
systmatically lay out all of the possible answers.
so very helpful and so true for a lot of us gam"bull" addicts.
With me it was myself that I hurt as there was only me and my family who lived far away had no idea what was going on until I told them.
I also ran up debt that I was able to pay off within a few months but the financial "hole" and the emotional and physical devestation will be felt for the rest of my life.
I read so many posts here of all of the loved ones who try to understand and stand by us and I think it is so wonderful and I am happy that it is the same in your case. Good for you.
Your words "waiting to exhale" made me think of when I was gambling and how I literally used to hold my breath most of the night just waiting for the jackpot and the rush I so extremely CRAVED.
I wanted the excitement as life became unbearably boring to me.
You are doing so wonderfully and I again thank you for your postS.