Leapyear22
Status: Happy.
Mood:
Excellent
Offline
- I haven't written for awhile. Decided to log on and check in tonight, I read through the many posts I've missed and it just brought so many emotions back to when I was struggling to not place another bet. Its been awhile, honestly, I don't...
- There are days that go by, where I don't even think about my addiction, or should I say, my addiction dosen't think about me? I need to work on my recovery, daily, no matter how much time I have without making a bet. I know that. I used to...
- I'm challenged, a lot. During my recovery, actually even before my recovery, I finally had to admit other than I was a compuslive gambler, that I'm a very stubborn, emotional, arrogant person. I'm not beating myself up, I'm being honest. I...
- So, in recovery, I still dream about my gambling experiences. I see myself, walking aimlessly in the casino, making the excuse, that I wanted to wait for the sun to come up before I drove home. I would go to play cards for just a few hours,...
- I will admit, I don't care how much time I have, I take one day at a time, only. I stopped counting my days, because for ME, it was to overwhelming. I liked the fact that I can take my recovery, one day at a time. Sometimes, one minute at a...
- I log onto the new site and try to read the most recent posts. I checked my "friends" and most of them have not come on board with the new platform. I am not good with changes, and this one is a major change, but, I think I'm starting to get...
- Today, I get to enjoy my time, I think I'll go to the gym, do some laundry, clean my house, play with my dogs, and visit my mom. WOW, there was a time, when my mind, body, soul, obsessed with the placing the next bet. I would be gone, for days at...
- My intentions, are not to "pass judgment" I am a compulsive gambler, in recovery. Part of my recovery actually, a huge part of my recovery depends on others, who can relate to me, who have walked in my shoes, and who know what I'm going through. ...
- I used to let fear motivate me, either in a good way, desperate way, or negative way. Today, I try not to let fear become one of my daily emotion. When I would gamble, of course, fear was constant, and most of the time, it drove me straight to the...
- I have been spending a lot of time, redecorating my home. Painting, etc., and I can't help but reflect on the money and time I had spent in a card room. I think of the money I spent for the redecorating, and compare it to how much I would spend...
- So, I had something happen that I have not experienced in my recovery.Yesterday, I took my mom to the dentist, she was getting a major procedure done, 6 hour long procedure, so I wanted to be with her. As I was sitting there, with her and her...
- I would walk into a card room, or casino and have zero regard for the amount of money I would take out, I would lose, many times, I would lose it all. There were the times I would come home with hundreds more than what I played with, but that was...
- That desperation to have control, that ultimate surrender to this addiction, the shame that is carried on my shoulder because of this addiction, all overwhelming feelings. The road to recovery, the days you wake up without tears streaming down your...
- GA, support groups for addicts/members, all have their own advise they give to the new comer, or even to those of us who have had a bit of time in recovery. I was thinking over the weekend, its kind of like when I gave birth to my daughter, during...
- I started thinking about my gambling career today. The career that literally I paid to work at, emotionally and financially.I recalled walking into my stomping ground, card room in Oceanside, and telling the manager, and yes they knew me, that I...