30 days ago, I was exhausted, financially and emotionally drained. Not sure what triggered me into wanting this so bad, it wasn't any different than any other times I had gone out, although my addiction has progressively gotten worse of the years. I was reading a book about compulsive behavior last night, and it specifically wrote about me, the compulsive gambler, the stories were ME (prior to recovery.) The part that I found interesting was the different treatments, and part of the reading that stated, there was no cure for this behavior, that it's not really something that has been studied as much as say, other addictions. What scares the hell out of me is, there is no cure, and some of the best ways to deal with it are drugs, treatment centers, etc. and there is still a very high chance it will sooner or later come back to haunt me. This light came on in my head, and I thought about some of the other people I have heard and met in recovery, that have years, and years of recovery. NOW I get it, now, I get it. They are still going to meetings, reaching out, posting, because, if they don't, they too can relapse, no matter how much time someone has, this compulsive behavior can kick your ass. So, my goal is another 30 days, for the rest of my life. And, for each day, I will practice, participate and be fully aware of my recovery. xoxoxox