malibumark

i don't know why, but i so repress myself sometimes and feel likeasserting my personal desires is a too bold of a thing to be acceptable.I am trying to get away from that... Somehow maybe I am too...

it's ocurred to me that I so try and systematize my experienceI have tried to understand my illness and have answers that for mehelp me cope, manage and then have positive experiences as well.I am...

When I spoke to my Dad last he encouraged me strongly to be more social.It kind of made me think that I have to be kind of artificial because naturally I like to be just one on one and intensely...

Sitting at the kitchen table witih my family, I suddenly realized, what I was hearingfrom the conversation is that we are all trying to figure out our lives. On an ongoing basis.It helped me feel...

Suddenly I am happy.I went to work today - and left when the work was done - rather exhausted and scattered more than usual.I ate lunch, and napped for a little while. Ate four cookies and thenhad a...

choose happy or choose positive - they are not always the same...keep going you can do it!

it's so curious. when I am not at work literally - i start to 'work on myself' -definitely need to channel that into something. :)I tend to systematize the mystery of stuff

my energies really need to be put somewhere. Right now I need to create something.It's like I am starting to be aware of the pattern within me - the force that wants things to be about me,the force...

i feel pretty good about things. I try and keep busy with my day and after struggling so much to find a sense of peace, I am realizing that just keeping busy, knocking at the door or chipping awayat...

I have a lot of energy that needs to be expressed...I am sitting here watching tv - and all things considered from whatI previously wrote about in my last journal, I think it's time for me to make...

I wish I knew how to traverse the secret or emerging yearnings in my mind and heart and the outside world.It seems I can be stable at times and that is happening more and more -  but then a moment...

it's weird how when at work, i can have a positive attitude and then as I fatigue there is thatleaning towards getting negative. I learned this today about myself...I kind of broke my own heart...

I woke up today and did my normal routine of things to take care of myself and the day.I then was sitting here at the house, kind of stuck in worry about "What to do next."Sometimes it's like I get...

This morning I woke up with painful thoughts - I was in a lovely slumberand then for some reason, painful undermining thoughts seemed to undercut me and so I had to get up in a painful fractured...

Trying to feel gratitude and grounding. Why do I always need to be fighting life?My pattern seems to be..going from a sense of peace.. to a sense of fighting...I may have my limits... but something...