something I learned from Buddhism

I have noticed that I drill down a lot. I think for some crazy reason it grounds me but it is not healthy. Plus I think it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. This is an idea that psychology has taught me as well as Buddhism. What we think we create in so many words. I may have that scratching thought to keep aware and a vantage on my flaws but I think it is as important to keep looking forward and positively manifest things.

I was with my family today and I felt insecure at first. I don't always know how to live in an unstructured way. I decided to relax and try just being 'on the fly' aware of myself and also as confident as I could be while not believing all those feelings that I am hated or not liked. So I was kind of using critical thinking while not thinking everything I was doing was 'bad' or awkward or out of line -  but in fact good enough..why wouldn't it be?

I started to 'live' in the moment and just in relation to my siblings and parents - bouncing off each other. In fact there were some really beautiful moments.

Eventually I got tired and I started to feel like I was just this ugly old oger. As much as I like to believe I am loved when I seem to do something well - I also have to drag myself 'out of the pit' when I feel like the input that's coming my way isn't so good. My brother in law once told me to choose the positive outlook. If someone says to you that you are stupid and smart in one sentence - choose to believe the better. It really is true.