malibumark

Are you afraid of relaxing and going for what you want?I've had to structure my life so carefully because of my condition that very much'pleasure' has taken a backseat in the realm of my survival....

I was in services this morning and I thought about how we each struggle daily in our lives.I felt the abrasiveness of my fellow altar worker and the others. I thoughtabout how they come to this...

I was wrestling with the 'fall out' from yesterday's dealing with the sisters.it felt like I could do no right. This morning again I was setting up church and my heart was torn out from the last...

I need to have some humility too. People have to deal with how I am in the world too.

The morning started with me running down to church setting up for the service and then conducting service until around 9:30. Start time is 5:30 AM. Anyways, after services we had time to have coffee...

sorry this sounds like a sweeping treatise. I just discovered while working behind theiconostasis today, conducting service, that while balancing my own disciplinewith things I need to do and be...

i'm learning more and more thatI can't explain or understand everything about myself and there are in fact some things that I am powerless to change.I found in church while serving that my body rules...

Bouncing off an idea I just heard, I think creativity is fueled by a restlessness innate to creative people to deal with and puzzle over an idea and manifest it. It's an itch that needs to be...

I’ve not been so good since the end of yesterday. Feeling kind of eclipsing feelings and drive in me that I need be responsible about. Talking about them here gives some order to them. I wish I...

From my Dad as we were texting last night:We all have an idealized desire but in the meantime you cannot miss the positives in your life and focus on what you have now the future will come on its own...

I’m finding it very hard to be an island today, but I know we all gotta deal with that sometimes.The ‘company culture’ here is getting to me. I need pleasures and agency and that’s all...

I was liberated by thoughts which were inspired today. I calledmy father, while I was in distress but I was owningmy emotional state. I talked to Dad and he seemedstruggling with getting on with...

I want to work, I want to earn money.Part of the enthusiasm that I am pumping myself upwith now as I search is making me aware that I'm sort ofseeking out and serving after someone else's rulesas a...