I think I have an anxiety disorder
i'm learning more and more that
I can't explain or understand everything about myself and there are in fact some things that I am powerless to change.
I found in church while serving that my body rules me some times and I have to mindfully consider in my mind what I’m experiencing so that my feelings, and flow, don’t hold onto and drill onto the very end of what those feelings are suggesting. (Make it a self fulfilling prophecy.)
I came back to my room and it felt like my room was needing a cleaning. I was totally frustrated.
‘Who has their house perfectly in order all the time?”
I asked.
I realized no one in truth does and that in fact it’s a never ending battle.
I was trying to relax and I found that I needed to orient my mind so that it is recognizing the fact that I am resting. It seems I notice it briefly that I’m resting then feel a good feeling and the fearfully ask myself what does it mean? And so I snap out of it.
It seems to me that I tend to live in anxiety and it is exhausting. I come to my room to rest and I don’t always leave refreshed because in fact I’ve been dealing with anxiety the whole time with no safety but only allowed anxiety. It’s like a fight with myself. Once I get to my duties at church I feel burnt out. But I get to work and do it.
Replies
I think this is good journal as I’m also starting to see my desires and reactions in the context of others.
I was initially diagnosed with anxiety and depression and it sucks
I'm sorry that you're struggling with it sweetie
There are mindfulness podcasts on youtube that may help you
I've nevrr gotten into it but some people swear that meditation calms them...xo
Thanks Janet!
Mindfulness is good, especially when we can't get our minds to shut off!
If we can stop thinking and just practice those grounding techniques - what we see, what we hear, what we feel, etc - it may snap us out of our thought loop so we can relax!
I've lived with anxiety my whole life, and I have found that having a schedule really helps. And I find that keeping a clean living space, or organized, helps too.
Thanks GT!
It’s wild how your feelings can really suggest an image in your mind of your life and the direction you are going in and you can with resignation follow that path OR you can question it and decide what to do.
Thinking about imagery really helps with seeing, thinking or envisioning a ‘wa’y’ forward for how to handle things but the imagery shouldn’t and can’t be the be all and end all of your journey. I get stuck sometimes as I’ve said and so I have to fight myself out of being stuck in the truth that an assumed image says about me. I think I’ve been working on this a while now it’s working! Work it till it works!:)
Anxiety is like wrestling an alligator sometimes! I have had troubles in waves over the years. Some practical things that helped me:
Channeling breath through pilates and yoga (I need to do that again!)
Walking
Picnicking in the park on a summer day
Making lists
Since you’re a creative person, I can share with you that sometimes creative work is a cause for my anxiety if I am forcing myself to do it. But maybe try a new art technique you’ve not done before, or craft?
Unfortunately it can be a pretty common symptom sweetie
Incorperating some positive tools can help...xo
https://share.google/aimode/ank4uK0ZEl49BxowG
Thanks Nikki and Jan!!