A step forward....How I handle things

I was in services this morning and I thought about how we each struggle daily in our lives.

I felt the abrasiveness of my fellow altar worker and the others. I thought

about how they come to this place, the monastery, and how it serves them to deal with their

'life pain' aka how they handle that and themselves. I thought about their choice of how they deal with their life trauma and pain.

I deal with mine my own way, I thought and they deal with theirs in their way.

I thought about how I retreat from the disconnection with the sisters and write here

my thoughts. I retreat to find my loving connections or I stuff my face with food and drink sometimes.

I just go into my own contemplative place...Today I found myself so much just being cut off that connection

with others because of the feedback the sistes gave me. They can be something else and in feeling isolated

and seeing my choices limited in the space I was given here, I decided to just focus on the quality of my work I was doing.

I may not be able to receive nice things

from them, but I can focus on the quality of my work as my assertion of my life here at the monastery

and plainly 'in life' in general.

I thought about 'doing things well' is something I see in others as well

and I think very much - my life issues have engendered and manifested in me to

do this healing well too I hope. I see it in others too.

In the past when I've been hurt here at the monastery or in life I have run to the safe bosom of a friend or family

member. Or I have dealt with it other ways. I am just kind of seeing it now...my choices, my actions

how I make a step forward constructively and how I handle the painful incidence in life.