Talking myself down
I’ve not been so good since the end of yesterday. Feeling kind of eclipsing feelings and drive in me that I need be responsible about. Talking about them here gives some order to them. I wish I could just live without being this crazy ..
I've just been sitting with it all here before service starts. I've been thinking about how others have emotions too and they have to deal with them. Why is it I feel that only when I'm perfect will I measure up?
I'm telling myself we're all just human. That the image of the brilliant executive's life is not so easy, there's tons of pressure in that too. Maybe I'm old fashioned but that always seemed a life of achievement and effortless panache.
There's sacrifices in every life and I know for myself, when I go with my sense of living in grace do i become so ungrounded. Anyways, i feel better now.
just me
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most excellent question father questionarius. why do you feel that you will only measure up when you are perfect? may i challenge you a bit on that score?
define perfection.
I know it’s crazy town. I think I know where it comes from, I think I’m learning to not be so critical. It’s like I have to be self responsible about my performance behind the altar. Respectful but in charge of what I do.
Today my voice did not perform, a frog in my throat but I got through it.
But I am ok with how I performed and I now know I have to go on with a nurturing therapeutic day and respectful for what I have to do.
I hope you guys do something therapeutic for yourselves today. This life here is not always that way and so I’m learning to mix in some stuff to do for my mind and body. I’m respectful of what I have to do but not submitting myself to the unappeasable critiques that are seemingly out there. I’m owning my performance here but being kind with myself too because I know at the moment I’m doing the best I can.
Nurturing stuff.
It's hard to go through the gamut of emotion swings every day. I used to have that. I would feel down at noon but awesome around 5pm, which would last until 7pm.
Just remember that those are kind of moodswings and you will feel differently soon.
And you Are doing well. I can read it here!
Thanks GT!!
I'm amazed by your output and ability to hang in there! You have an ability to keep going no matter what...Awesome!
Thanks MayB!