MarahIdellCatLuvr
Status:
Mood:
Ok
- We FaceTime every night so kids can talk to whoever parent they're not with. I left pumpkin at the table with the phone bc we'd been playing outside "with daddy" and she was hot and ready for her promised frozen treat. She chose a not popsicle....a...
- Weekends.....I think they bring to light how much I'm trying to pretend none of what's real is my reality. I'm in treatement for an eating disorder and complex ptsd. Monday through Friday that's my reality but mentally, I'm a different person when...
- Yesterday was a lot and it's still weighing heavily on me this morning. I want to feel better.I felt like I was full of fear last night, compelled to walk but stepped outside and saw people so I went back in and waited for it to get darker. I still...
- I am fuming.Food allergy attacked at the center today. Dietician only spoke enough to make sure I knew where to take my medication. The callousness is something I'm used to bc freakin ER doctors couldn't tell when I was in so much pain from a 10cm...
- Usually pretty sensitive to noise but today I'm highly sensitive to it. I can't sit in the group room and listen to people chat. It's just so loud.im also really struggling with the parallels between my mom and this other patient. same nameabout...
- I am being kind to me.....journaling helps.....When you get too tired, you start fighting battles that don't matter to distract you from the ones that do. Once God shows you, you can’t unsee....Jesus wasn’t swayed by anyone’s...
- Yesterday was a hard but good day. I am still connected with my therapist from outside of the program and I began my day with him. Said some things I've never said, about ruminating memories.....to him and to the one of therapists at the program.My...
- I lose time. I get lost. Totally lost and confused and no idea what's going on or where I am. I also experience derealization. Both of these things are unsettling to me. I'm getting used to just grounding myself and living in grace, recognizing I'm...
- I feel really disconnected from myself often and I try really hard to stay grounded but I can't. I don't know why being around my daughter sometimes makes it easier. Sometimes it makes it harder. Lately harder. Maybe because I realized I'm terrified...
- A week and a half in treatment and this morning I'm telling myself it's a dream. I'm here with my kiddo telling myself that over and over again just to be present. That's a dream. All of it. The need for treatment and the things we are processing or...
- I can't sleep tonight. Took meds and all. I guess everything is just marinating. I've done a lot of good work this week. Really hard work. Raw, honest, heavy work.we added the c to my diagnosis.Several significant traumasMy therapist is a powerful...
- There are more people here today. I'm feeling guilty bc last night was harder than I let on when I was asked but I was honest enough to say that today being here is the best I can do. There are 6 women in this group. Not sure why that feels like so...
- I started php today and sat there sobbing after the first hour because I can't believe I'm finally here. This is help. Real help with an eating disorder. Real help if there's a secondary diagnosis. Real help all while I still get to be a mom. I've...
- I've been in crisis a while. Massive panic attacks and depression, confusion, loneliness, irritability, lack of motivation, I want to stay in bed all day every day but I don't because #momlife My psychiatrist is amazing. I've never really had one...
- Have not posted in a long time.High risk. I think this is my 4th week home, because my illness flared and my doc ordered me home until this is over. Boss is providing pto. This is insane. soon to be ex husband is terrible to kids. One has asthma....