You are off to a great start - journaling about what you feel, what you are thinking of, and what scares you.

The routine of M-F, can you continue that routine on Sat and Sun? Can you ask your medical providers about trying to extend their route to include the weekend?

Is there some separate and new that you want to try? Do something to make Sat and Sun special in your routine. Don't look at it as two days away from your routine, but two special days in your routine to do something different.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have support for the weekends. I probably could but I don’t. Idk I’m confused.

Sounds like you are in an out patient treatment program? Maybe talk to your therapist about an in patient therapy program until you are stable enough. Are the programs for complex PTSD and the eating disorder separate? Are you having problems with both on the weekend or just one? I would clarify this when you talk with your provider. Hope you feel better soon.

Sorry weekends are so tough for you right now. I like the suggestions you've gotten so far. I hope you and your providers are able to work out something that works for you.

Hugs and peace.

When I was a hospital chaplain for 10 years, Mondays was my day to do my rounds on my hospital's psych ward precisely because weekends were so hard on everybody there. What you're experiencing about weekends is a real thing, Marah. I was thinking of you all weekend because of it, in fact. While guarding your anonymity, I mentioned you at church yesterday as someone who needed thoughts and prayers. I hope you don't mind.

Coming here asking for help was really smart. We're here for you, and will be this coming weekend, too.

Muji, thank you. I almost messaged you....I have been feeling like I don’t matter anywhere. You are welcome to use my DS name Marah whenever you ask for thoughts and prayers for me.
Secouya, thanks for your perspective, but I’m in the right program for me. It’s more intense then outpatient but less intense than inpatient. It’s called partial hospitalization and it’s not supposed to be easy. This weekend, though quite challenging, was better than the last. I was very suicidal last weekend. I made some changes that helped with that. But walking through mud is going to be heavy and smelly no matter what we do.

Message me any time. And I'm glad it was ok to call in support for you at church, thanks for reassuring me that wasn't a religious violation of our Daily Strength Rules of the Road about religion and politics boundaries and our group support.

So glad to hear that there's PARTIAL hospitalization available nowadays. When I got divorced in 2000 and was in crisis, it was total hospitalization or nothing, so I was once the hospital for 4 days because I was anxious when my divorce went to court. It wouldn't have been good if it had come out in court right then that I had been hospitalized, especially since I didn't need TOTAL hospitalization, just PARTIAL for the kind of support you're getting. I'm glad to see there's an awareness of that on the part of hospitals now and that they've created special PARTIAL programs like the one you're in. That's a better focus that targets our needs more closely. Let us be your support for this weekend to come, OK?