malibumark

Such amazing tough lessons.i realized this morning that it is a saving grace that i am around a tight community. My mind, while serving this morning, went to a very paranoid vicious place , but...

the resignation today, which I mentioned in the last couple of journals,made me feel like my illness is just somethingi carry with me - and in fact it's like a person - but in fact what it's...

I think we're all feeling a mix of love and rejectionwhen we go 'out there' into the world.Some folks pleasant, some folks leave you feeling lacking...but you keep on keeping on and come home to...

I woke up this morning and my mind undermined me pretty drastically.My mind takes me to places that are so fractured and seemingly out of control, out of order, out of function.But I slowly accepted...

Weird weird day, totally ungrounded but grounded as well, two sides of myself colliding met by me with a sense of humor and an 'oh well!' I was so disconnected from the service I just gave but it was...

I had a vision of a light man (God) pulling me from the front of meand a dark man (the devil) pulling me from the backof me - both were trying their best to have strength butin the end I think they...

I'm behind the iconostasis, waiting for service to start. I want to goof off and enjoy the cool spring morning sunshine.Time to focus!

I think I just realized that I think creatively at times in order to keepmotivated about the work and life in front of me to keep it going.Like the last journal - and so many of the previous...

I conducted a vigil last night until midnight. We don’t have service this morning but I came down for coffee. We’re eating in about an hour. Things are good. I’m thinking about reading letters...

When I would get cranky and cantakerous and not know what to do with myself,my Mom would say to me "Please yourself" - and I responded and will again now"I can't" - it seems that "Doing what I am...

feeling bad because I feel iritated. It's occpuying my headand I just talked to my Dad and it made me feel like I was hurting his feelings.It just felt like 'that's all there is to me' -- hyper focus...

After my procedure:)

I've learned so much in the past few days. Do you remember whenI said I had been in that physical therapy officeand they chatted with me until they concluded "ohperfect perfect " and they said...

i know the answer to this doesn't have to be entirely one thingor another - I don't know why I have to talk about this - but I am compelled to. last night I felt so energized, optimistic and capable...

I'm grateful for my growth and I am trying to stay regulated going forwardNotes from last weekend's trip:it's weird how i just keep going. I am grateful for my stamina and ability.If I were to focus...