dsf95
Status: trying to be happy
Mood:
Ok
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- Talked about my family in therapy and realized a lot of my resentment towards men comes from resentment towards me oldest brother, my mom's favorite and my uncle's "preferred" victim. My brother bullied me. He obsessively fixed his hair in our one...
- Someone in my choir has been saying mean things to me, like "You don't have to hug me." during peace. He also said, "be sure to get the stuff that makes you smell better" at the grocery store when I was looking at soap. Last thing he said to me,...
- I have a lot of fear problems. My driving phobia worsened because I was in a car accident with my uncle months before he assaulted me in 1995; I was 17. Unfortunately, when my dance teacher assaulted me, it was near a parking lot at the front door...
- It's funny how being assaulted last year has had emotional ripple effects. The morning after I had a big nightmare on Palm Sunday, a young man who is being ordained as a priest came to talk to me for the first time. I was kind of mouthy to him...
- Hopeless. My body traumatizes me. My left leg shows its history of tortuous veins and lymphedema. I tried on clothes tonight. So close to being cute, but leg is disfigured. so close to being talented and functional, but not. I used to believe I had...
- My devastating nightmare in late February really took a toll. It brought up a disturbing fact. The dance instructor appeared at the door of the studio immediately after my husband's car had cleared the parking lot and as soon as I was near the...
- Was kicked in butt and clitoris by a man who knows martial arts and seemed to be targeting the clitoris last August. I think I was incapacitated for about 30 seconds and heard him say either softly "it's okay" or harshly "THAT was okay" my brain...
- Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when the dance instructor informed me he couldn't dance with me ever again because of "something else" and I had an episode where I started shaking uncontrollably and he hugged me until it stopped. I'm...
- Okay, last year after my surgery, I had a hormone imbalance. I think my body went into shock and my adrenal glands were making too much testosterone. This is just conjecture from web MD.My Obgyn said there's nothing I can do to change it. Also could...
- I checked out one of the dance instructor's pages. Turns out she is a rape victim. She had a board up where victims could post about what happened to them; so I posted about my groin attack trauma that happened at her business without naming any...
- Still wondering about the DJ/ grocery bagger and his possible connection to the dance instructor/ DJ who assaulted (butt/ groin kicked from behind) me last August. The bagger seems to have disappeared from the store since the wedding.Last year,...
- I sent a Facebook message to someone at the dance studio where I was assaulted about a month ago. I was having a nightmare and sent the message while I was in and out of consciousness. I sent an apology message the next day, explaining that I was...
- Yes, Ms. Anti-psychology is going back. I needed my anger and anti-authority feelings and bad attitude in 2009 to save my left leg from amputation, start biking, and conquer lymphedema and get all those vein surgeries. But now, I can focus on mental...
- I really think guided imagery is helpful. I like Belleruth Naparstak and she has some PTSD related videos on YouTube. I really liked the one she did for Depression, but can't find that one. I visualized my "happy place" as my college library with...
- I've been using an herbal supplement called Lymphatonic and peppermint and rosemary essential oils for help. I mix the peppermint oil with lotion and put it on my chest and armpits, where the lymph glands are. I was gaining weight again, but this is...