Someone in my choir has been saying mean things to me, like "You don't have to hug me." during peace. He also said, "be sure to get the stuff that makes you smell better" at the grocery store when I was looking at soap. Last thing he said to me, randomly, "stay OUT of trouble." Last week I saw him looking at me with the same frown of disgust that people at the dance studio looked at me with after I was kicked in the groin from behind. He seems to have stopped the comments. Keep in mind that my "crime" is making eye contact and hyperventilating while dancing, not on purpose. Last year! Maybe he's just a grumpy old man?


I stupidly sent the dance teacher a link to my uncle's mug shot during an intense nightmare last year. No response ever came thank God. I guess he deserved to know that my PTSD episode wasn't about him; he did hug me until I stopped shaking. But it feels like the family secret has exploded in my face. Nervous that I saw a reporter from my uncle's state on my friend suggestion list. Is a sex offender with a double Y chromosome who committed incest and lives in a fancy neighborhood mostly unknown news?? I have also talked to my therapist and priest about it. I think my priest may have told my Herbalife friends about it; because they were mentioning explicit songs and what I thought of explicit material and then asking me out of the blue, what would be a good ballroom dance studio for someone last time I got a shake. I named a bunch of dance studios and suggested the place where a friend teaches. She seemed to be trying to get me to name the dance studio! I thought reconciliation meant that the priest couldn't rat you out. But, again, I am paranoid.

I had a public episode, was assaulted publicly, so, I just feel so raw and vulnerable. But I live in a small city, and the dance teacher seems to be a drama queen that gossips. It's hard to be "outed, " if I am being outed.