tuxedomck

I have always been one with a lot of feelings, even when depressed. I always constantly have thoughts spinning through my mind like a never ending hamster wheel. But recently I feel nothing and my...

What happened to DS? I came on here for some support as I am tackling yet another addicition and everything is changed. I'm not so sure I like this new format, I find it difficult to do simple little...

Almost ended up in the hospital again last week after drinking and taking benzos. I feel that i want to be in the hospital. It feels like a safer environment.. An enviornment where I and my disorders...

What a week...a week I'd like to forget...Wednesday was the hardest...both a family member and a close friend passed away. One from a heart condition and the other from suicide. One would think that...

It's like once I broke things yesterday and drank and purged, I can't stop. Today I did it again. I just need to lose a few pounds that i gained this year. And im not binging and purging, I ate a...

I failed. But I really don't care. I slipped up and drank tonight. Secretively and in front of my wife. But I feel nothing. On top of that I know I am going to purge. I ate icecream and cookies and...

Sunday April 24, 2016 It's been two weeks since I got out of the hospital after overdosing on benzos and drinking uncontrollable amounts of alcohol. But I don't feel much better. I actually felt...

Day 2 and going STRONG!! Had a difficult night last night but managed to not purge despite the urges.

Today was rough. I had a lot to explain to my therapist. Yesterday I had crazy chest pains that I have never had before. Today my anxiety was extremely high. I purged last night. I have been...

It's been a very long time, a few years, since I have really posted on this website. During the mean time I have really focused on writing a handwritten journal that I carry around with me wherever I...

I am about to give up. I can't take the pain and suffering anymore. The world will still go on without me. I'm just standing on the sidelines watching everyone go forth with their lives...I have...

Just wrote a long entry summarizing this past year...now it disappeared. Clearly I am frustrated.Bottomline a lot of shit went down this past year and it was a really hard year. More diagnoses,...

Been a long time.I am very down...very down...Carlos is moving out Sept 1...That was determined Friday, August 10.Tuesday Aug 14 Lauren was sent to a residential center in Texas.I have been a mess...

Yesterday I told carlos even more. How I like women too. That was interesting.That was rough. But since then we talked. We are going to be civil and stay together but not get married. We may end up...

the wedding is off.i asked to postpone it.things need to change.i can not have this wedding going in to it with uneasy/unsure feelings.perhaps it may just be postponed. perhaps it will never...