tuxedomck

Part I:I know it's only Friday afternoon, but I am already worrying about many things. I am so shaky and feel sick to my stomach. It seems like nerves, but nerves of what? I am very upset...

Scared. Terrified. Nervous.I know this is early, but I have been freaking out regarding what I am going to do when Joanna takes her week long vacation in July. I am also going on a cruise in July. I...

Had a long session with Joanna today. Obviously I knew what was coming...She said that because I just don't care about myself or anything anymore, that she nor Jill can help me. I balled.Then I...

I don't care about myself anymore. All I care about is food obsessions and losing weight which I am clearly failing at.I mean I know everything I need to do to get healthy, I just don't want to do...

Shitty morning again. Woke up and weighed myself...gained 2lbs since Sunday. WTF?! I have gone back in my food journal and I have just been snacking during the day, not that much though. Though it's...

Last night we had to go to my parent's house for dinner. It wasn't as bad as I expected. We had dinner (way too much..felt like crap afterwards) then made s'mores. I had two roasted marshmallows and...

Thursday through last night were HORRIBLE. Depression, pain, misery, and every synonym of those words describe the past few days perfectly. Thursday night was the worst. I cut a lot, I purged, I...

I want to go home. My sister spent forever in the car talking about how she wears a size 2 or 3 now. How her friend asked to borrow clothes and they were too small on her. WTF. I just want to hide...

Something I sent Joanna (my T) on Monday after our Therapy Session. This Wednesday she is out and Thursday I leave for a race with my team...so it's going to be one week between our sessions...it's...

I can feel myself going down. I could feel it slowly happening over the day. Went to the racecourse at 6am to watch the Varsity race at their States (my novices' had theirs last weekend). It was...

The time has come for me to say goodbye. Not to life just yet, but to DS. I appreciate all the friendships and support that I have recieved on here, but I think in order to move away from all the...

15 days of COMPLETE HELL later and I am HOME!Just got discharged from IP at Sheppard Pratt this afternoon...starting the day program at the Renfrew Center in Bethesda, Maryland tomorrow. Will do that...

Made the two biggest decisions ever today.First I had an awesome day at clinical and I realized that I, steffanie McKay, wants to be a nurse. I want to work with the elderly. I love them. I loved my...

The body is such an incredible thing. I was thinking a lot about this last night, infact I thjnk I probably only slept for an hour total last night.Just think about it...All the systems and...

OKAY!Wow, so I clearly really don't want to leave DS even though I think it's the best for me...WHAT DO I DO?!?!!?I think I'll stay...but i'm sure in 5 minutes I'll say I'll go. So since I clearly...