quick update
Been a long time.
I am very down...very down...
Carlos is moving out Sept 1...
That was determined Friday, August 10.
Tuesday Aug 14 Lauren was sent to a residential center in Texas.
I have been a mess since. A complete disaster.
I feel so alone. The two people I spend all my time with and care abuot so much are gone. Well one practically and Lauren already.
I miss her so incredibly much and I don't know how I am going to handle this for so long.
I have gone back to restricting, cutting, major depression and even purged once last week. All plus the added two drinks a night (not my concern). I'm so sad and miserable. I don't feel like there is much to look forward to and i just don't give a flying fuck about myself right now. I have tried doing things, seeing people to cheer me up. nothing has worked.
Okay- so there could be things to look forward to. The day Carlos and I decided he would move out was great! I decided I was going to apply to go back to school. I also sent in applications to foster cats. The two days following this decision I was in a really great mood. Then BAM- Lauren left. I didn't even get to say good bye in person because the doctors decided everything so fast.
Oh- last week my sister was in town which was very difficult as well. And I can't take my job anymore. Too much drama and crap....I need something more challenging.
So all in all....FUCK LIFE
I am very down...very down...
Carlos is moving out Sept 1...
That was determined Friday, August 10.
Tuesday Aug 14 Lauren was sent to a residential center in Texas.
I have been a mess since. A complete disaster.
I feel so alone. The two people I spend all my time with and care abuot so much are gone. Well one practically and Lauren already.
I miss her so incredibly much and I don't know how I am going to handle this for so long.
I have gone back to restricting, cutting, major depression and even purged once last week. All plus the added two drinks a night (not my concern). I'm so sad and miserable. I don't feel like there is much to look forward to and i just don't give a flying fuck about myself right now. I have tried doing things, seeing people to cheer me up. nothing has worked.
Okay- so there could be things to look forward to. The day Carlos and I decided he would move out was great! I decided I was going to apply to go back to school. I also sent in applications to foster cats. The two days following this decision I was in a really great mood. Then BAM- Lauren left. I didn't even get to say good bye in person because the doctors decided everything so fast.
Oh- last week my sister was in town which was very difficult as well. And I can't take my job anymore. Too much drama and crap....I need something more challenging.
So all in all....FUCK LIFE
Replies
steph, i am sorry all that is happening. i take it carlos leaving is a good thing? try and think of lauren being in the hospital as a way to save her life, so she can continue to be with you. keep trying to focus on that and apply for college, how proud lauren will be!! and it will be so great for you. i get you about drama and shit at work, it is awful, everyone tells me how lucky i am to have a job, well, i cant even make it through the month finicailly and its a shirtty job. we both need to look elsewhere. try each day to think of one positive thing or something that made you smile etc... many hugs. journal, journal