iam30113
Status: New year, new decisions
Mood:
Ok
Offline
- I can't find the words to sum up how I feel. I'm in bed crying and wanting to die and wondering if this is the beginning of a long downward spiral. I just want it to be done now, please.
- A part of me is terrified of going on meds. It's like once I'm on them this illness will be really real, there'll be no denying it, no pretending, I'll have constant daily reminders that I am sick. And it makes me feel so weak. I've kinda been...
- Had another dream where people were trying to hurt me- emotionally this time. They were actually family members. Now let's take it from the top...I dreamt my event planning teacher was my therapist and we met at her house for therapy. She decided...
- I feel like I'm losing touch with my emotions again. I've been kinda irritated for a few hours but it's going off into numbness now. I dunno which is worse- the barrage of emotions or the lack of them. Sigh. Why am I in this place again? Why???...
- Went out again this weekend- I'm turning into quite the wild child. Lol. My housemate was rather shocked when I told her. I just went to hangout with a friend but it was something. We stocked up on junk food and liquor and binged watched shark...
- Decided earlier in the week to go to church-something I haven't been doing much lately. Going there always makes me feel so bad about myself because I'm not exactly living as I should, you know? When I'm there I want to be a better person but then I...
- I have always been suspicious and for good reason. I learnt at a young age that people are not to be trusted. Between age 8 and maybe 15 I was convinced that there were cameras in my house, installed by pedos. As it is, I know have a hard time...
- I explained to a friend that I'm in 'one of those moods' again then told him to have a great day. He said he hopes I have a great day as well and I said I won't. He said I was being pessimistic. Am I really? I know my moods, I know when I can brush...
- Who else can't sleep? What are you doing to keep yourself occupied? I'm watching random videos on YouTube.
- Is it normal for you to have a manic episode for over a week, taper off into what seems to be depression and within a few hours go hypo? My mania felt like it ended Saturday and I had all the usual blue feelings but last night I was back on a high...
- Yep, the high is going and I'm heading down again. Sign number 1. I really slept and for quite a number of hours. 2. I haven't eaten all day. 3. I feel like crying. 4. I've been in bed for hours. I told bf I'm heading down and he said "try to stop...
- I was just listening to Kelly Clarkson's Dark Side and wondered if we all really do have a dark side. I know I do but is it a universal thing? Or are some people just plain good, others bad and some mixed? What do you guys think?
- I had a great time with my pdoc. We talked about quite a lot and he got to know me all over again since it's been 9 months since he last saw me. He noticed right off that I was manic. Well it would have been hard not to with me bouncing around like...
- I haven't seen my doc since October... I'm kinda nervous about going in today. Got all dressed up- I'm even wearing lipstick. Leaving work an hour before the appt to give myself time to breathe before going in. I have my list ready so I won't forget...
- I have never been this high before. Or at least I can't recall ever being this high and exhilarated before. My thoughts are racing, my head is buzzing and spinning, I want to scream cos I can't keep it all in, my eyes feel like they're about to...