iam30113

I don't remember how I felt when i tried to kill myself last year because I was out of my mind drunk but I think it felt a bit like I do now- empty and aching. There's this whole in my chest yet it...

I was a little mean to Orange last night. In the middle of my frustration I broke down and said, "I don't want you." Of course I didn't mean it and I apologized soon after. I do want Orange just not...

I woke up this morning and my first thought was- I'm pregnant.And I could just feel myself fall into the rabbit hole that is my new life. I need to not spend so much time obsessing over this that I...

According to whattoexpect.com I have an orange seed inside me right now. An orange seed that's going to completely transform my life forever. An orange seed that will be completely dependent on me...

I have no intention of celebrating my birthday. I thought after a suicide attempt I'd make this one extra special- even more so because it's my 21st. Instead I'm in a total funk tonight and i just...

I hate it when I say I feel depressed and you say, "I'm sure you'll be fine" like I have a fucking choice. If you had ever been depressed you'd never say it. But then you think it's all a sign of...

So what if I cut? So what if I fail my exams? So what if I drop out of uni? So what if I get committed? So what if my mother finds out I'm crazy? So what if everyone finds out? So what if I never...

i am sick nd tired of my behaviour. i wot even blame bp for this. this is all me. why the hell am i drnk again> why am i this drunk? im so dmn supid. why can't i control myself??? damn i now man. 

I toyed with the idea of posting this on Facebook but I couldn't. Couldn't even finish it. Celebrity deaths don't usually bother me- I don't know them, they don't really inspire me so I never take...

Had another good appt. I think the lobby of my counseling dept is gonna be my new hang out spot. I always feel so much better just sitting there, I don't know why because it's really nothing special....

Last night I was down in the pits. I wanted to cut, I wanted to die, I wanted to cry and I couldn't. I went out with my friend because I didn't want to be alone and I couldn't even work up the energy...

I'm at work as usual and I'm having the urge to cut again. Badly. It's suffocating me. I want to scream and cry but instead I have my calm mask on and I am pounding away at the keyboard making...

I haven't made an entry in a while and my last one was so... Well, if you read it then you know. Woke up this morning in a crabby mood, listened to some heavy metal, decided to stick it to the work...

Hi there! Uh, not so sure where to start. I've been combing the net for a support group i like and this might be it. um, i'm 20. i was diagnosed in October with bipolar disorder type III....