Hi Terri,

I'm here!

I've made it past the one-year mark now, by about two weeks. It was a bit anticlimactic, and I was disappointed. I remember Jim Rohn once said, "You get from the celebration what you put into the celebration," and I wish I would've planned a party or at least a dinner with some of my friends and family members who know I was addicted. Perhaps someone reading this will be encouraged to do that! Don't let the day just pass by like I did!

That said, I've been doing O.K. I've noticed that I have a tendency to become addicted to anything -- arcade games, shopping, dining out, etc. I have to remember to work on myself, to remember to get rid of the void not with external distractors and external things that are temporarily fulfilling, but to work on filling the void through self-esteem, through hard work, through progress towards a goal, through love and through solid, honest relationships. And it's been hard.

So that's where I am!

Hi ladies, I am here as well, but that was probably obvious as I don't remain silent for long. My friends' list is filling out but what kind of order is it in? Not alphabetical. I can only see 10 at a time and doesn't look like you can sort them in any other kind of way, if you can call the sorted at all. I would just like a scroll-able list without all the big icons, especially if it is not in any particular order, maybe its by date they friend-ed me? (That would be how a programmer might think)

It took me a week to realize I could expand the text box where you type a reply.

So glad to hear from all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Terri ~
I've been "lurking" on this site for a number of years now. Tried unsuccessfully to sign on many times and finally with this new site I was able to do it.
So many posts have resonated with me and particularly yours. I am a sober member in AA for 31 years. Moved to Palm Springs in 2003 and immediately got hooked on gambling. After 3 years I joined G.A. and was abstinent for 6 years. 4 years ago I relapsed and it's been hell ever since. The longest continuous period of abstinence in those 4 years has been about 2 months. In May of this year I self banned (lifetime) from the 2 casinos closest to my home. The other casinos that I never went to because they were too far away.... well, you guessed it. I've been gambling there now.
I am so done with this addiction and yet continue to gamble. The obvious solution is to go back to G.A. Unfortunately my experience there was that my anonymity was broken so many times in really bad ways that I can't conceive going back there. Self banning from the other casinos is the next step. But that still leaves me with a sick and addicted brain and I'm not sure what to do. Now that I've finally posted on this site I feel better already. But I need to talk to someone who's in recovery. I have friends that know about this and they're supportive but they're not recovering gamblers, just regular folks.
Thanks for being here and showing me that recovery is possible. Any feedback from anyone will be appreciated.

Rennie, I too have recovered from other addictions in the past. I too have had some not so good experiences with my local 12 step groups. (But I did not let that stop me). I used treatment, support groups, buddy systems, even one time in my early 20s I went to a Full year - live -in therapy program. So for forty years (I am almost 61 now), I repeated a pattern of addiction, treatment, recovery, abstinence, new addiction within a few years. (And repeat, repeat, repeat) Did you know that 75% of compulsive gamblers have recovered from some other addiction? (Alcohol, hard drugs, co-dependence, Internet, sex, etc)

Why is it different this time?
This time I was Honest, Open, and Willing to do anything and everything to gain freedom from addiction. I was willing to delve into my childhood abuse and trauma like I have never done before with my therapist. I was willing to look at the FALSE beliefs I had and change them. I was willing to forgive my former abusers and to work hard to forgive my parents for being poor parents as well as myself for not the pain, misery and self-abuse I inflicted on myself. I became friends with myself, through hard work and following through with self-care. I became mindful of what I was/am thinking at all times and I monitor those thoughts and banish self-judgment and criticism of self and others. I worked hard to accept the past.
I meditate now, I am no longer lonely when I am alone, I believe now that what others think about me is none of my business. I believe I have an important role to play to help others and I know that I can contribute something positive still to the world. I know now, that the opposite of addiction is connection with other people. If we do not make efforts to connect to people honestly and sincerely we will connect to something. (addiction)

The kind of internal changes I have undergone in the last two years do not come without some hard work and struggle. There is no silver bullet or shortcuts to fighting this addiction. Just white-knuckle quitting is not enough. Unless we deal with all the underlying issues that are the root of our addictions, we will find another addiction or go back to an old one.

In the future Rennie, it is posting etiquette that if you are asking a separate question, or addressing a different issue than the poster of the thread you are responding to, you need to start your own thread or post. Glad you are here and no longer just lurking. (No shame in lurking though either.)

Thanks for your response Qwit. Lots of good suggestions. Have a good friend who's started me on meditation and am thinking of going into therapy.
Sorry for not following proper protocol. I'll get the hang of this.

Is there proper protocol? I didn't know that, I thought anyone can write, or read, or post, etc. If that were the case, I'm so, "out of the box" sometimes, I should have been told this a long time ago lol. Rennie, thank you for your post. I for one, have had other addictions, in AA for over 26 years now, but of course, I traded that addiction for another one. The good news is, in working the steps from my previous addiction, I knew, once I was ready, what I needed to do in order to work on my recovery for GA. Addiction, is addiction, my drug of choice was gambling, but, my addictive personality can lead me down, several roads of addiction. My gambling addiction was actually, very similar to my drinking. If I think about it, towards the end of my addiction in both, I blacked out, both started with just casually drinking, or casually gambling, and both ended up almost killing me. Similarities for sure. I welcome you, with open arms, I'm so glad you posted, and I'm so glad you are sharing who you are, your recovery, is part of my recovery, and for that, I thank you. Please keep posting.

Thanks so much for your response. I get great hope from someone who understands my struggle. I'm just pretty much numb right now. Putting one foot in front of the other is an effort. But I know from previous experience that this too shall pass. Day 5. And today I will not gamble.