I will admit, I don't care how much time I have, I take one day at a time, only. I stopped counting my days, because for ME, it was to overwhelming. I liked the fact that I can take my recovery, one day at a time.  Sometimes, one minute at a time.  Of course, time starts to pass, and before I know it, I've been in recovery for sometime.  Well, for whatever reason, this weekend, I had a major urge, so overwhelming, that I almost convinced myself, I could go and play cards for just a little while.  My brain was working overtime, and I was having a fight with myself, literally I knew that the addiction was talking to me, its not my first rodeo.  I knew, the second I got in my car, and drove to the furthest casino, I'm not banned from, that would be it, I would be gone, and so would my recovery, my self respect, my money, etc.  Saturday, all day, I had been convincing myself, I was going to go, later that night.  As I grabbed my keys, and my wallet, I also grabbed my dog, my phone, and I ran to the car, drove  to my moms, and ran into her house, and said TAKE THIS.... it was my debit card, all my credit cards, my checks, etc.  It was like I was holding a hot potato, and once I release the cards, I could breath.   Then, I just sat and sobbed.  Like a big baby, I sobbed.  Of course she supported me, and hugged me.  I left, came home, and felt this instant monkey off my back. When I woke up Sunday morning, I was so grateful, that I wasn't sitting in a casino somewhere lost in the haze called addiction.  I did the day, and I did it with a smile in my heart.  The urge has since passed, thank goodness.  But it did show me once again, as I'm sure it will again, just how powerfuil this addiction is.

This addiction can almost, ALMOST, convince me that I'm ok. I can go for a few hours, I can control this gambling thing.  If not in recovery, and if not for the support and love I have received, and the willingness to do whatever it takes, to stay GF one day at a time, I would have most likely  still been gone, sitting in a dark casino, blacking out, so to speak, miserable, broke, and lost.

So, for today, I'm beyond grateful for my recovery. I'm beyond grateful that I have learned I can beat the urge, I can triumph over the voices called addiction, that tell me, its okay to go, just for a little bit, because I know, for me, just for a little bit means, much, much more than that.

Do the day my sweet warriors.