Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I started thinking about my gambling career today. The career that literally I paid to work at, emotionally and financially.
I recalled walking into my stomping ground, card room in Oceanside, and telling the manager, and yes they knew me, that I wanted to do a lifetime ban, and they were so supportive. I did it again, in another card room in San Diego, and this time, when I went in, they told me, I had to fill out the form, and provide a "passport" photo. I didn't have one, I did have my drivers license. But, they were more difficult. So, part of me thought, well, I will have to do this another time, since I didn't have a passport photo. Then, I called someone who said, leave the card room, find a CVS, take a passport photo, and go back and do it, I shrugged at that, it was such hard work and such a pain in the ass for me, I thought, no... I want to go home and sleep and cry and sleep and cry.
I took the direction of the persons who gave me the advise, I found a CVS a few miles from the card room, I walked in, took the photo and drove back to the card room and presented it to the manager. Who, by the way was shocked I actually came back to do the lifetime ban. I sat, I waited for the forms to be completed, and watched the gamblers in action from my seat. Once done, I was escorted out, and I walked to my car in the sunshine, empowered. This happened awhile back ago.
I was told, which I didn't know, that card rooms are different from casinos. Card rooms, once you do the form, right, they send it to the state gaming and then I am literally registered, in all card rooms, throughout California. Casinos are different, so when I went to ban myself from Harrah's, they banned me for life in all Harrah's, including Vegas, etc. Then I had to go to the other stomping ground casinos in San Diego. Each visit got easier, each ban got easier for me to do, more liberating for me to do.
Could I walk into a casino, even though I'm banned for life? Maybe, but the games I played where high limit, which required a card for the casino I was playing at, and if I try to get a card for that casino, they will see I'm banned. They would either escort me out, or, have me arrested. Of course, I could go and play the not high limit games, that also went through my head.
I've heard others say, the ban didn't work, they were able to go to a casino and gamble still. But, here is the deal, I want my recovery, so I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop, maybe, I could walk into a casino, maybe, but, I did the work to help prevent my addiction from telling me its okay. My mind tells me, trust me, many times during my recovery, I could go, just for a bit. It does, I won't lie, it sure does. But, if I have enough obstacles in my way, from being able to go and place a bet, its a plus for me.
Do I think I can go and gamble now? YES, of course, that's my addiction. Do I want to go and place a bet? NO I don't. So, its the struggle, its called recovery, its what I will do, most likely for the rest of my natural life. Today, I woke up, I did some work, I cleaned my house, I watched the political crap on the news, and I shock my head.
Do I think I can gamble responsibly...? LOL, of course I do, that's my addiction talking. Do I want to live a life full of love, and respect, and hope, YES, I do. When I was gambling, hope didn't exist. When I was gambling, sunny days were dark, moments of happiness, fleeting.
Today, I have not placed a bet. Its a good day.
xoxoxo do the day my sweet recovering warriors. Do the day.
I recalled walking into my stomping ground, card room in Oceanside, and telling the manager, and yes they knew me, that I wanted to do a lifetime ban, and they were so supportive. I did it again, in another card room in San Diego, and this time, when I went in, they told me, I had to fill out the form, and provide a "passport" photo. I didn't have one, I did have my drivers license. But, they were more difficult. So, part of me thought, well, I will have to do this another time, since I didn't have a passport photo. Then, I called someone who said, leave the card room, find a CVS, take a passport photo, and go back and do it, I shrugged at that, it was such hard work and such a pain in the ass for me, I thought, no... I want to go home and sleep and cry and sleep and cry.
I took the direction of the persons who gave me the advise, I found a CVS a few miles from the card room, I walked in, took the photo and drove back to the card room and presented it to the manager. Who, by the way was shocked I actually came back to do the lifetime ban. I sat, I waited for the forms to be completed, and watched the gamblers in action from my seat. Once done, I was escorted out, and I walked to my car in the sunshine, empowered. This happened awhile back ago.
I was told, which I didn't know, that card rooms are different from casinos. Card rooms, once you do the form, right, they send it to the state gaming and then I am literally registered, in all card rooms, throughout California. Casinos are different, so when I went to ban myself from Harrah's, they banned me for life in all Harrah's, including Vegas, etc. Then I had to go to the other stomping ground casinos in San Diego. Each visit got easier, each ban got easier for me to do, more liberating for me to do.
Could I walk into a casino, even though I'm banned for life? Maybe, but the games I played where high limit, which required a card for the casino I was playing at, and if I try to get a card for that casino, they will see I'm banned. They would either escort me out, or, have me arrested. Of course, I could go and play the not high limit games, that also went through my head.
I've heard others say, the ban didn't work, they were able to go to a casino and gamble still. But, here is the deal, I want my recovery, so I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop, maybe, I could walk into a casino, maybe, but, I did the work to help prevent my addiction from telling me its okay. My mind tells me, trust me, many times during my recovery, I could go, just for a bit. It does, I won't lie, it sure does. But, if I have enough obstacles in my way, from being able to go and place a bet, its a plus for me.
Do I think I can go and gamble now? YES, of course, that's my addiction. Do I want to go and place a bet? NO I don't. So, its the struggle, its called recovery, its what I will do, most likely for the rest of my natural life. Today, I woke up, I did some work, I cleaned my house, I watched the political crap on the news, and I shock my head.
Do I think I can gamble responsibly...? LOL, of course I do, that's my addiction talking. Do I want to live a life full of love, and respect, and hope, YES, I do. When I was gambling, hope didn't exist. When I was gambling, sunny days were dark, moments of happiness, fleeting.
Today, I have not placed a bet. Its a good day.
xoxoxo do the day my sweet recovering warriors. Do the day.
It has been a month since I walked into a few casinos and banned myself. In one of the casinos I had to show the security how to use the camera so that they could take my picture. I thought that was funny.
Tomorrow my husband and I are going to do a 2 hour drive to do some more banning. He has all the self control in in the world. It is I that will remover more chains.
I felt a twinge of anger yesterday. It was at myself, because I can not walk into a casino with $20 and be fine. So yes the addiction will try to tell me I can gamble. NO I CAN"T and it is not worth my future.
Gambling has taken enough from me. Self banning is the only way for me to insure that I do not waste my future.
It really helps me to look at my addiction as a disease. If I were diabetic I would still want sweets, but hopefully, I would have the maturity to be strict about that and find other ways to satisfy myself. It seems for me it is about growing up emotionally and tending to my needs in a healthy way.
Self-banning helps but is not the answer for us all. I am not going to give up a pool team I love or restaurants I like to eat in because they have their 6 state lottery video slot machines in the back room or in the case of pool tables - in the same room. Aside from the fact it would be over 500 places in my medium size town alone and would be a monumental effort, not to mention the surrounding towns. For me I must look at it as a recovering alcoholic must I imagine: it is everywhere, and most people can indulge without a problem. I happen to have a kind of allergy to it, or BAD reaction.
I'm a big believer in the power of the individual. I believe in taking are of yourself, making your own bed and laying in it. But when it comes to gambling, I have been utterly, totally and completely helpless and various times in my life. And in this case, self-banning programs have saved me too.
It's hard to self-ban, but it's even harder to summon the courage to say no every single time you have an urge. I'm grateful for the program. It's saved me.