Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I would walk into a card room, or casino and have zero regard for the amount of money I would take out, I would lose, many times, I would lose it all. There were the times I would come home with hundreds more than what I played with, but that was rare and also, winning would feed my addiction even more, as I had convinced myself that I was a "good" card player, it was a sport, that I loved... well, of course, it wasn't a sport for me, especially since I didn't know how to stop, or once I got it in my head to go, there was no stopping me, I was reckless with my time, my money, my family, nothing mattered. Not much of a sport.
So, today, in recovery, I realize how cautious I am with my funds. I have a mortgage, bills, etc. and thank goodness my addiction, for some reason didn't stop me from being able to pay my mortgage and bills, but that was just a matter of time, before that would happen. But, I drained my savings, DRAINED IT. Now that I don't gamble anymore, I have money to do other things, and my credit score has gone up.
This last weekend, I leased a new 2016 CRV, its something I have always wanted, but didn't feel as though I deserved it, due to the high price of my "sport." I had to put down 1000 on the lease, and I swear, I thought my hands were shaking when I wrote the check. 1000.00 in my gambling days was a drop in the bucket for me, I would spend that in 30 minutes at the poker tables, actually, sometimes less, as I would bet that much on one hand.
I was freaking out because my car payments are 27.00 more a month than what I had been paying on my other car... 27.00 was the tip I would give the dealers after a couple of winning hands.
Its really amazing, recovery means being responsible, it also means having the freedom to be able to spend my hard earned money on things that I earned, rather than giving it to the casinos.
The gift of recovery, includes forgiving myself, that in itself is priceless.
xoxoxox
So, today, in recovery, I realize how cautious I am with my funds. I have a mortgage, bills, etc. and thank goodness my addiction, for some reason didn't stop me from being able to pay my mortgage and bills, but that was just a matter of time, before that would happen. But, I drained my savings, DRAINED IT. Now that I don't gamble anymore, I have money to do other things, and my credit score has gone up.
This last weekend, I leased a new 2016 CRV, its something I have always wanted, but didn't feel as though I deserved it, due to the high price of my "sport." I had to put down 1000 on the lease, and I swear, I thought my hands were shaking when I wrote the check. 1000.00 in my gambling days was a drop in the bucket for me, I would spend that in 30 minutes at the poker tables, actually, sometimes less, as I would bet that much on one hand.
I was freaking out because my car payments are 27.00 more a month than what I had been paying on my other car... 27.00 was the tip I would give the dealers after a couple of winning hands.
Its really amazing, recovery means being responsible, it also means having the freedom to be able to spend my hard earned money on things that I earned, rather than giving it to the casinos.
The gift of recovery, includes forgiving myself, that in itself is priceless.
xoxoxox
I own a business and I do sales for it. Since I quit gambling nine months ago, it's doubled in revenue/profits and looks like it's going to triple within the year. My point is not to brag but to commiserate: I only started accelerating sales when I was able to start looking at other things in my life as being adventurous, fun, instinct-based, and "worth it" like gambling. Sometimes I'll make fun out of calling for sales, just pick up the phone or send an email and make it happen. Very similar energy, but a lot more constructive, and the odds get better for me in time -- no house edge catching up with me!
What I'm saying is this: I'm glad you know that other things in your life are worth the adventurous, fun, and worthwhile nature we used to see gambling in. Whether it's sales or buying a new car for ourselves, we have to know that we're worth it without being powered by the Addiction.
I'm happy to be spending time and money on business and business trips now. The progress is a little jarring -- I have grown more in the past nine months than the three years preceding it -- but it's all a testament to how powerful letting go of the Addiction can be.
Nothing mattered, because I had become so mentally, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt that death would be a welcome release. That is what addiction is to me now, is death, and today, I want to live!
Thank you for the thought provoking post leapyear.