oleander1984

~And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had~I find it funny that my pandora account would play Mad World when that song is how I feel right...

I had a very up and down day yesterday in my head it was down and the voices were very mean but on the outside I was having fun and being my smiley self. I had fun with friends and had open...

I wish the suicidal thoughts would go away, even for a day. I know deep down I don't want to hurt people but they thoughts, desires, and plans to do it grow stronger each day it feels. I used to tell...

Well I did my first week homework which was easier, I am not going to say super easy but I did have three weeks to work on it which helped me think about myself. This week I have to think about what...

So much in my head these days so annoying. Let's start with new changes first. The lovely "cleanse" showed I did have issues which makes me somewhat happy to finally find out what is wrong with that...

My lovely "Cleanse"Started my "cleanse" last night. With the help of Brandy and my mom got my citrate in me. I definitely didn't want to it was nasty. Sure haven't noticed much of a difference yet...

The dislike for Valeo systemI have a strong dislike for the way Valeo does the medication appointments. You have to call at 8:00am the day you would like the appointment along with everyone else. If...

Trying this out againI have decided to try to get back into the swing of having a second facebook. I will try and post music videos, notes, or my homework from Valeo. Thus not holding it all in...

Bipolar mindI just want to walk right out of my life.No matter what I do, it's never good enough.The older I get, the less patience I have.I'm so tired of people expecting more from me than I can...

Written June 2010 how things change over time I once said I would never love again,building up a wall so no other could get inand bathe in my love that I keep containedthen leave me when they're...

(Given to me from a friend years ago but still very much in me still and always with me) Today is the day I wipe my tears,today is the day I end all fears.As I grab the gun the bullet flies,I have...

I feel like I repeat the same thing over and over to everyone that I tell but it never does anything for me. I hate ECT for me it took my life, it's not fair watching everyone else remember what we...

Not sure how much longer my body can survive like this, it seems like everyday something keeps going wrong or not working correctly. I'm losing hope that the doctors know what they are doing, maybe...

So much has been going on in my head and it feels so mixed up in my head and I'm not sure how to get it all out and yes I am the slacker that has stopped writing which I know is not what I should do...

I just found out last night that my grandma has cancer and it has spread throughout her whole body. The doctor says she will be lucky to see he 80th bday next month. In this day in age how did they...