Homework number 2
Well I did my first week homework which was easier, I am not going to say super easy but I did have three weeks to work on it which helped me think about myself. This week I have to think about what I want from therapy and what I am willing to someday not today do to change in life to get there. Sitting in her office I was drawing a blank but once I got home I kinda think I at least know one thing I want from therapy.
I want the ability to say whatever I want without being judged or having something bad happen to me.
But the things I am willing to change in my life concept I don't know yet on that part. It probably is really simple stuff and I am over thinking.
On my chart that I fill out weekly for her we are still working on getting my suicide from a 3 to a 2 on how bad I feel and want it and today I didn't check the box if I have a plan or not. I never want to check any of the boxes. She wasn't too happy and said I have to but once we talked for a minute she gave me a pass and said she understands why I don't want to and said she isn't going to treat me like I am used to being treated so if she sees a 3 checked and a plan checked all it means is something to talk about in her head. Where as my last person would hear I felt suicidal and off to West we went no questions asked therapy over for the day. So today that was helpful to hear, kinda strange telling someone when you want to have a plan when your body wants to keep it a secret so that your plan can be a success though. So in my head I am torn to tell and fail at suicide or to lie (which I haven't done yet in therapy) and never get better and let everyone watch me fall down a slippy slope yet again.
I want the ability to say whatever I want without being judged or having something bad happen to me.
But the things I am willing to change in my life concept I don't know yet on that part. It probably is really simple stuff and I am over thinking.
On my chart that I fill out weekly for her we are still working on getting my suicide from a 3 to a 2 on how bad I feel and want it and today I didn't check the box if I have a plan or not. I never want to check any of the boxes. She wasn't too happy and said I have to but once we talked for a minute she gave me a pass and said she understands why I don't want to and said she isn't going to treat me like I am used to being treated so if she sees a 3 checked and a plan checked all it means is something to talk about in her head. Where as my last person would hear I felt suicidal and off to West we went no questions asked therapy over for the day. So today that was helpful to hear, kinda strange telling someone when you want to have a plan when your body wants to keep it a secret so that your plan can be a success though. So in my head I am torn to tell and fail at suicide or to lie (which I haven't done yet in therapy) and never get better and let everyone watch me fall down a slippy slope yet again.
Replies