Mad world

~And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had~
I find it funny that my pandora account would play Mad World when that song is how I feel right now.
They said if I stressed my symptoms could be worse, which is natural. Well they are correct. I was stressed last night and the voices would not be quiet and I wish I would have listened because some of them were half way correct in a situation even if they were mean about it. But being stressed made me see things again but this time was the first time in front of my friends and rather than own up to it I just cried on the inside and didn't tell anyone. I know it is wrong but I didn't know what to do. Now today because of choices I made I may have messed up that friendship and they were a great support system for me and I loved them the best that I can love someone. It has made the voices go crazy in my head and the suicidal thoughts are to the point if my girlfriend wasn't here and I didn't want to be embarrassed I would call crisis for help because I need it. I have used all my help tricks that they want me to and I still can't control the thoughts today. I have also reached out to family and friends and I feel alone there is no one to be there for some reason today.