valgal18
Status: other grandma in hospital and grandpa just passed away
Mood:
Ok
Offline
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so today/tonight is the third anniervsary of M's rape......i went to work this morning and was anxious the whole time....i couldn't stand to be touched even by my coworkers....they knew what i was...
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i was anxious AGAIN last night....i was so anxious that i couldn't fall asleep for a looong time....i felt my heart racing and my breathing was fast and short...i was able to fall asleep finally but...
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my anxiety is peaking......i have no idea why it is....maybe because i may hafta drive to the city for Thanksgiving and i've never driven there before???? maybe becasue my anniversary is a week from...
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okay so i decided in the hospital not to go back to school....and then i called my work place and asked to be given more hours.....and a girl was leving so my boss said she'd give me all of her...
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i got ANOTHER bad grade in school!!!!!!!!!! :( i just wann self injure and/or die.....i took some meds. and if i get worse or feel like i'm gonna act on the suicidal urges/thoughts/feelings...
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i am gonna self injure, but i'm gonna journal first.....my meds. came but of course i was at school so i couldn't sign for them, so they're STILL NOT HERE....so i hafta wait until tomorrow or...
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i'm out of antidepressants.....and i was late ot school today and i got a bad grade on a test....i hate my life......i wanna self injure so bad!!!!! i was scratching at school today and my arm is all...
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i am soooooooooo anxious right now......i have no idea why though.....my best guess is because the anniversary of my first rape is comibg up....but that's in OCTOBER.....this shouldn't be happening...
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therapy was AWESOME yesterday!!!!!!!!!! we talked about a lot of stuff and we made real progress.....we conquered some of my irrational thoughts like closing my legs during my first rape would've...
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i feel so numb again...i just wanna self injure....it'd be so easy to be able to do that....it'd be so nice.....i just wanna feel alive, not like i'm dead.....i can't smile...i don't do stuff the way...
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soooo i work with a girl H and she has a friend we'll call HA......i became friends with both of them....they're sooooo nice and they invited me to go shopping with them last thursday but i had to...
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i am sooooooo stressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mind is like mush and my anxiety is peaking.....i'm trying to stay positive and to take deep breaths, but i dunno how long i can do that without losing...
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so my cuts look okay....i cut tuesday.....i got some ointment and gauze and medical tape today after school....i put on some ointment but the gauze won't stay on.....the medical tape keeps coming...
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i wanna self injure so bad!!!!!!!!! i feel so wothless and like i don't matter and i don't care if any cuts show.....i just wanna slice away at my arm....i don't care if anyone sees it....i have...
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so i had school yesterday and today.....yesterday was totally intimidating anf overwhelming......we can't talk on the third floor we can only sign....we have a dress code and it's crazy.....i'm a...
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