feelig numb...AGAIN

i feel so numb again...i just wanna self injure....it'd be so easy to be able to do that....it'd be so nice.....i just wanna feel alive, not like i'm dead.....i can't smile...i don't do stuff the way i used to today.....i felt fine this morning and then as the day went on, i just lost it all.....i just wanna self injure....i have a psychiatrist appointment today so i just hope all goes well....if she makes me contract for safety i think i'll break it...grrrr....i just wanna self injure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!