mal66

My apathy has taken a turn for the worse.  Late last night, I tried to o/d by taking 15x's the dosage of 'fast acting' insulin.  I drank some Jack Daniels laid on the couch and waited; then...

Retrieved fire arm from police headquarters yesterday..I HATE ME SO MUCH!

I think my life's lesson is learning to have faith; having faith in GOD, believing in myself, & trusting others.  I acknowledge (but not accepted) that I've been self-loathing & wallowing in...

I've found myself posting a lot recently; I think it's because I have no one to talk to especially about the dark thoughts I have and it has to be expressed somehow.  I've refrained from...

I just read a local article about a women that was killed after being hit by a car while walking along a highway..Damn! it just doesn't seem fair that other people get to die and I pray & pray...

Almost exactly a year ago, a co-worker was on Facebook and chatted/befriended someone who had the same first/last name as me - thinking it was me...that person was depressed & suicidal.  She...

I was just informed that the fire arm (9mm) that I turned in last June can now be retrieved by the owner (me) today from the property/evidence department at the police headquarters.  My spouse does...

I have never liked (let alone love) myself.  My self-image has always been critical; it's ranged from indifference (at best) to extreme hate (where I am now).  I just don't have a concept of how...

Being good to yourself, loving yourself before others can love you...what does this truely mean and how does one learn/apply this philosophy and why does this attract others?  It sounds rational and...

I was admitted to the hospital's psych ward last Tuesday after being 'voluntold' to admit myself by my Therapist; this after texting my spouse suicidal messages thru out the day. I had every...

Suicide shows GOD the ultimate statement of doubt, skepticism, distrust, lack of faith, etc. that HE can not/will not make a better way...

The voices & faces of those that surround me become more distant like they're fading away from my consciousness; my inner turmoil along with my unsettled soul is drowning out their support and...

I'm trying to get my gun back that I turned in couple months ago; I have some unfinished business...it was my security blanket, my one-way ticket outa here!It's amazing how close to the edge I am...

...who's the fouless of them all?When I look in the mirror, all I want to do is slash, cut, stab, wound what I see.  I hate myself that much!  There's nothing that I want to salvage when I'm...

Dear God,I don't understand what's so damn special about life and being here?  If life is supposed to be a gift, can I get a refund?  This is like being forced to go to a party then standing in...