Fire arm retrieval update...
I was just informed that the fire arm (9mm) that I turned in last June can now be retrieved by the owner (me) today from the property/evidence department at the police headquarters. My spouse does not know and I don't intend to tell her; I now need to find a place to hide it...I feel more secure to have regained possession; it's my permanent ticket out of this hell, piece of shit world...
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I can\'t tell whether you really want to die or are asking for ///no begging for/// someone to stop you. I\'ve been where you are...its a hurtful place but you have to find what is in your life that you need to change. That\'s what I had to do...I couldn\'t go back to the life I knew...it was killing me. I was killing me. My decisions to do some of the things I was doing was destroying me. My job, my kids, everything. I had nothing to live for and I\'m not sure why god didn\'t let me go but he didn\'t and there has to be a reason.
Talk about whats going on with you...begin to heal with someone that you feel you can talk to. I can help if you will let me.
Nancy
It\'s a combo of both; I\'ve been on the fence for so long & feel like something\'s got to give...the reality is that I don\'t know what to do. Getting the gun back gives me my power back, I feel - like having my security blanket. If I want to go thru with it, I have the option now to do so with a higher percentage of being successful. Overdosing on my meds leaves me feeling insecure of successfully completing the task & potentially leaving me worse off than when I started, and I\'m also now exposed - everyone will know what my motive was...\'cuse the pun but I need something \'bullet\' proof..
Sorry but you might not actually achieve your goal. One of my therapists told me of two of his patients who are permanently damaged neurologically from attempted suicide with a hand gun.
The facts appear to be, from my perspective, that when God allows you to go home you DO and when He doesn\'t you DO NOT. One man jumped eight stories and lived. Another went off the bridge, broke every bone in his body, and lived.
Something inside you is very confused and you might not be able to articulate it. Mental illness CAN and DOES leave a person without words to describe what they\'re feeling or not even aware that they ARE ill. But this impulse is a huge error. I think it is always a huge error to end your life because you really don\'t know what you might have been intended to do and never got to do it, and you really don\'t know the effects on your family. There IS something after physical death. Suppose you get there and then are aware of the suffering your death has caused? I don\'t know what else to say to you. You have great worth, every person is unique, no one is like you, there\'s just one. There\'s a purpose for every life, even non-human lives have purpose. YOUR life has a purpose. Please don\'t do this.
My understanding is that this gun has become a felt part of you. It does occur to me though that there is another way out of emotional hell and that is to heal. I hope you take this gun and lock it up very very.
ha, ha -- lock it up well.
giminy...
The gun needs to be kept unloaded and locked separately from the ammo.
Be very gentle with yourself and take life moment by moment. I am in severe crisis and have noticed that letting go and just taking life one moment at a time has brought a new awareness to me which I never had before. I am now beginning to adapt to circumstances and feel less overwhelmed as I used to. I\'m just very glad you are still here with us and I hope you stay and share all that is going on. My journal literally has been a life saver. This Sunday I\'m meeting for the first time one of my DS friends for Sunday breakfast. I am very, very ill and look very ill as well and worry that this could be an issue but am willing to give it a try and hope for the best. I have sent a message warning of my appearance to reduce the harm which my appearing as death warmed over my cause.
All I know is I have hung on now nine years and going into year ten with severe crisis and I find over time I am adapting better to it. I think life could very well begin to improve the longer I hang on and adapt.
I hope our lives very soon improve.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared.
:-) Patricia
@Patriciann, you are a strong person; the thought of enduring this pain for almost a decade is unfathomable for me..I am going to put forth my best effort to take care of myself - mentally, physically, & spiritually and if life doesn\'t improve duiring this time, I will give up completely..