mal66

Suicide shows GOD the ultimate statement of doubt, skepticism, distrust, lack of faith, etc. that HE can not/will not make a better way...

The voices & faces of those that surround me become more distant like they're fading away from my consciousness; my inner turmoil along with my unsettled soul is drowning out their support and...

I'm trying to get my gun back that I turned in couple months ago; I have some unfinished business...it was my security blanket, my one-way ticket outa here!It's amazing how close to the edge I am...

...who's the fouless of them all?When I look in the mirror, all I want to do is slash, cut, stab, wound what I see.  I hate myself that much!  There's nothing that I want to salvage when I'm...

Dear God,I don't understand what's so damn special about life and being here?  If life is supposed to be a gift, can I get a refund?  This is like being forced to go to a party then standing in...

I found out this past weekend that I have diabetes 2; another life changing adjustment. It will make me take a daily itemized look at my physical health which may also help alter my mental health -...

Today I feel like I'm drowning again; in over my head and I just want to give up and sink; I'm trippin' and I'm slippin'.  I actually thought about taking drugs (coke) just to try something new;...

I believe my mother gave birth to twins; one good, the other evil.  The evil one has grown to be twice my size and beats on me regularly; he wants me to self destruct by isolating myself from...

My anxiety about the future is diabilitating & paralyzing; I fear it greatly.  Although my depression isn't at suicidal levels as it was last week, I also fear it may return again.  Today marks a...

Thoughts of the future are like shackles around my feet tied to a boulder that weights a ton and it's keeping me from moving forward...

...so I can find you!

I turned in my fire arm last nite to the city police headquarters.  It was scary; when I got there I parked in the back and called dispatch.  He said 'someone' would be out.  Well 10 minutes...

Today was my first day with a new Therapist/Psychologist.  She wanted to know where my level of suicidality (is this a word?) is at...told her I've planned how - she asked how(?)...I told her I'd...

God, please deliver me from life's stormy weather, It's brutal here; does it ease up & get any better?...I curse the beginning of a brand new day,This burden's relentless, and I just can't find my...

My inspiration to continue on everyday is very fluid.  There are some moments I have it and some I don't.  For that reason I've kept my 'red' face on (Horrible)...I feel that I struggle to at...