Elandlu2
Status: 62 year old mom and grandmom. Trying to hold myself together
Mood:
Ok
Offline
-
Today I am just plain scared.I'm afraid that I will never feel whole, or good, or anything positive again. That my life is just going to be miserable from here on. That I'm becoming so dysfunctional...
-
Last week I was telling people that "it hadn't really hit me yet"--past experience with depression has taught me that there will be big waves where I just feel like I'm going to be sucked under. I've...
-
Started sorting through drawers and boxes and such in preparation of moving. God is this hard. There is the Leslie stuff--right now most of that is on the surface--photos, her poetry, but I am also...
-
It's been 3 weeks since Leslie left this world. I spent a good part of the day with my son and family. Michelle (Jason's wife) was playing with the orchestra in an outdoor concert. We met for lunch...
-
So going to NJ was a good thing, for the most part. The first 4-5 days were good. Being with Brian was good. He let me do what I needed to do--if I wanted to talk, he'd listen, if I just wanted to...
-
I guess it should come as no shock that I am deeply depressed today. Have a lot to do. I'm going to NJ to stay with a friend for about a week. I've gotten several offers from people to come and...
-
Today was Leslie's memorial service. On her late uncle's birthday, the day before her brother's birthday (and she died on her brother and sister-in-law's wedding anniversary). Then this morning my...
-
When Leslie was in the hospital she was given an abundance of "snacks" as she wasn't able to eat a full meal. Sometimes these were individually wrapped Otis Spunkmeyer blueberry muffins. Leslie liked...
-
Last night I was meeting Buck at their apt. I got there early, so I let myself in. I wanted to go to the back room (where Leslie had spent her last days and passed away) to see if I could find the...
-
How do you say good bye to your daughter? How do you leave the chubby baby who used to smile and say “happy, happy, happy”. The little girl who loved to pretend she was “Fashion, the Famous...
-
I kind of freaked out today. I had a good long cry this morning--I'd been getting worried that wasn't happening, but it finally did. Went to look at some apartments--found one I liked and put in an...
-
What did I do today? I brought my male kitten to the vet to be neutered. I lined up 4 apartments to look at tomorrow. I talked to my sister--maybe twice, I'm not sure. I talked to Buck. I got a...
-
Today I spent some time sifting through old photos. Leslie's best friend and I are getting together tomorrow to do collages for the memorial service. I also looked through my laptop and phone and...
-
It's been a while since my last journal entry. A month exactly. 3 weeks ago today I met with my daughter and a social worker in the hospital where Leslie was being treated for liver disease. I got...
-
Yesterday I felt a strength I hadn't felt in awhile. I'll get through this. I will live again. This morning I told myself "I will not cry today"And I fought it, through memories, through being...
dd