I wasn't going to cry today

Yesterday I felt a strength I hadn't felt in awhile. I'll get through this. I will live again. This morning I told myself "I will not cry today"

And I fought it, through memories, through being without you in places we'd been, sitting in my living room without you to snuggle with. Through some photos I found when I thought I'd deleted them all. I was strong.

Then I fell asleep for while. I dreamed I was sitting with your mother, and we were watching you pack. And she put her arm around me and said "He's only going for a little while. He'll be back with you". I said, "He didn't tell you?" and I told her about the betrayal, the lies, and how I could never trust you, never take you back again. You mother held me in her arms and said "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with him. I know he loved you so much". When I woke I had tears in my eyes, and I had to let them fall. 

I never met your mother--all I knew was what you told me and her picture on our wall. But she was there to comfort me when you weren't. Thank you Mary, I loved your son so much.

I wasn't going to cry today.