Elandlu2
Status: 62 year old mom and grandmom. Trying to hold myself together
Mood:
Ok
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It's been so long since I've been onsite. I don't know why--I just couldn't be here. I was hoping by now it wouldn't be AS hard. I wouldn't feel slammed by all that has passed as much as I have been....
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I got through Christmas. I felt like that was a big win. Yes, still down, still upset, but somehow I fooled myself into thinking I was feeling better.Then Spring came. Thought the change in weather...
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I've tried to ignore Christmas as much as possible this year. That's a ridiculous thing to attempt--it's slammed in your face and forced down your throat constantly. Seeing my grandgirls today. If...
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I was invited to Jason's inlaws this year, and I was very grateful for that. There were enough people that I didn't feel lonely, but not so many I felt overwhelmed, and I knew most of them to some...
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I went to Joanns Fabrics the other day and nearly cried in the aisle. Leslie worked in A.C. Moore, and then with all the Christmas stuff thrown on top of that...ugh. I almost ran out of the store,...
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Today I finally moved Leslie's ashes into the urn I bought. I found the urn on ETSY--handmade with a copper raku glaze. The colors are beautiful. The copper, blues, purples, reds. One of a kind, just...
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Fortunately Tuesday was a gorgeous day. There were 8 of us, along with the 3 counselors and the horse staff. This place does a lot of therapy work, so there are trained people on staff. We all met,...
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So I'm moved in. Actually moved in (as in furniture, living here) 2 weeks ago. Trying to get the place in order. The major stuff is done, just trying to figure out what to do with the rest. Leslie's...
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Last weekend before my move on Thursday. I'd been feeling surprisingly good the past week, but today the depression has snuck its way back in. Not sure why, but then I wasn't sure why I was feeling...
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This morning I had to have my 19-year-old cat, Yoda, put down. I knew this day was coming; last night it became clear the time was here.I had owned Yoda for over 18 years. He was a pure white,...
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Last week I mentioned that there was an equestrian/bereavement program run by the Hospice and I was on the wait listMama got a horse! They had to reschedule the program and someone had to drop out...
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Got the keys to the new place today. It's both a little smaller and a little more $$ than here, but I simply cannot stay here. Too many painful memories. Didn't move a lot of stuff in today, but...
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While packing today I came across a card Leslie sent me a few years back. Picture of a bunch of 40's era bathing beauties peeking out from behind a huge beach umbrella.Inside:"Dear Mama-- Neither...
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I ended up getting really upset last night (or early this morning). It was as though Leslie was a sore subject to be avoided. If I brought her up the subject was gently redirected. I realized both...
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Today wasn't a terrible day. It was kind of strange. Leslie's 37th birthday.I dropped Sawyer at his sitter's. Her husband met me and told me Terry had an emergency dentist appt., but would be back...
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