3 weeks....
It's been 3 weeks since Leslie left this world.
I spent a good part of the day with my son and family. Michelle (Jason's wife) was playing with the orchestra in an outdoor concert. We met for lunch and then I helped Jason wrangle my granddaughters during the concert. It was good seeing my girls--spent a lot of time with Elena at the sandbox building castles and molding turtles and fish for Lena to "squish".
There was a point that I needed to walk away for a bit. Excused myself for the ladies room, but I really just wanted to cry for a while. Thinking about how Lena and Lucy will never remember Aunt Leslie. Thinking about how Les would have been there in the sandbox too. Les was there with us. I kept thinking of her there.
Cried a lot of the way home. All the things Leslie will miss. She loved her nieces. So many people told me how Leslie was always talking about them, and showing off pics of them. I found her Twitter feed online and the arrival of her nieces was big, top news.
She won't see them grow up. Won't do arts and crafts with them as she hoped to do, won't go to the zoo with them. Won't be buying them presents just because she saw something she thought they'd like. It's just too sad. My daughter-in-law is an only child. Leslie was their only aunt (or uncle). I never had aunts or uncles either.
Then I came home to my kittens--Les would have loved them, too. They were still too skittish the last time she was over to see them--they hid under the bed. She would have loved playing with them and laughing at their antics. I'm glad I have them. They make me smile. I need things to make me smile.
Yesterday I got a note in the mail from one of the women in the artists' group Leslie belonged to. Very nice, handwritten note. How sorry she was about Leslie. How she didn't know Leslie well but knew immediately that she liked her. How she admired her style.
Leslie, Leslie, Leslie....miss you so much
Replies
3 weeks....such a short time that probably feels like an eternity for you. (((hugs)))
I'm certain Leslie WAS with you and the girls as you played in the sand. Keep expecting and believing! She WILL show up! I believe they all show from time to time, and in very special and unique ways. And what a welcomed and needed gift when they do!!
Always nice to hear how our children affected others. Sweet of the woman to send the note to you.
Hugs,
Teri
I will never forget my former priest and very dear friend, Shannon, saying to me, on my fifth angel day of Douglas', "Five minutes, five weeks, five months, five years, it's all the same in the heart of a mother." As you mark these weeks with Leslie no longer earth side it is the strangest and most surreal feeling, isn't it? For me, it took my heart a very long time to catch up to the reality of what my mind said had happened to our son.
Thank goodness you have your Little's as I found mine to be some of my most powerful healers and we can learn from the friend of Leslie's in the artist group to reach out if we feel even the slightest nudge to do so. She gave you a tangible link to your Leslie that is such a gift. How immensely kind and caring for her to reach out to you in the way that she did.
Easy does it with your grieving self and remember that whatever comes in is what is needed for today. The Journey on our website: www.formomsonly.org and Gari's book called, Going On are probably two things I wish I had in my hands those first weeks and months. You might want to check them out and take a look?
Gentle care, Sue, and I appreciate getting to know your Leslie and you through your journals. Keep sharing as you are able and remember you have many sisters of the heart who are here to listen and to companion.
XO Joanie