Elandlu2
Status: 62 year old mom and grandmom. Trying to hold myself together
Mood:
Ok
Offline
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Today is your first birthday in heaven. I hope you are peaceful and out of pain. I love you so much. I miss you so much. As I do every year on your and Jason's birthday I find myself remembering the...
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Tomorrow is Leslie's 37th birthday. The first one without her. I'm trying not to make too much of it. As my son said, we never made a big deal out of birthdays. We're taking my grandgirls to a...
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I don't know if it's Leslie's birthday approaching, or what, but I've been super depressed today. Decided after work to take Sawyer for a long walk, then I made myself a drink and decided to try and...
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I did finally hear from Jane (my sister) this morning. She emailed me if I wanted to do something Saturday for Leslie's birthday. I told her about my (weather-determined) plans with my son and family...
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This is the second day in a row I've been super depressed. Woke up crying this morning. I'd never done that, but I have about 3 times in the past month. Just trying to get through the days. I'm...
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So, Leslie's goofy mutt is back! I went to pick him up and spent about an hour talking to his sitter (who has also become a friend) and then Sawyer and I came home and took a long walk. Happy to see...
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I went to the bereavement counselor today--was there talking almost 2 hours. I admit I'm exhausted now, but I needed that. I will be seeing her weekly for the time being. One of the biggest...
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I'm scared tonight. Not really certain what is scaring me--I'm really nervous about something. I've been kind of snarky with people today. I called Brian earlier and he said he'd call me back in...
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I woke up this morning (5:30--about usual lately) and it hit me like a brick--I don't want to be alone and I'm really angry about it. I want someone to hold me at night, to comfort me when I cry, to...
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As tired as I am today I couldn't nap. I didn't want to be home today. I still don't want to be home, but I have nowhere to go. My sister's still not answering the phone. Let me be self-centered...
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Last night I got a message from the company that manages Leslie's apartment. Buck decided not to stay and could I go over and see if there was anything in the apt. I wanted before they had it cleaned...
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Last night was the 2nd in a row I didn't sleep more than a few hours, so I decided to take a sick day today. I did finally take all of Leslie's (and my) blankets, comforters, etc. to the laundromat...
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Not that I don't want to (and do) cry every day, but I just feel like crawling into a miserable ball and crying until I'm totally drained. I want to cry until I'm beyond reason. I want to cry and...
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Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day in bed. It wasn't all being miserable or anything, I just didn't want to get dressed, go out, see anyone. I did some reading, was online, looked for a...
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This has been a bad day. I've probably gone through about every negative emotion there is, and then some. Saw my therapist today. That helps. Been trying to hook up with a bereavement support group....
dd