CecilBGreen

I want to be physically fit.I want to finish my degree.I want to win the lottery.I want to be asexual.I want to be talented.I don’t want to feel lonely.I don’t want to feel like I need to be...

....to stop living in my head. It is full of colorful, fun, interesting things but it is also full of not so fun things. My fantasies keep the really hard things away. I'm not sure if that is good or...

Reading my previous entry over again I see I really took a fall down the rabbit hole. Almost 2am now. Still feeling a little electric and raw. Still restless. I listened to Candy's Room (Bruce...

I am in such a weird mood tonight. Restless. I guess it’s not so bad. I am getting some cleaning done. I did spend a good hour internet stalking an old boyfriend, a really old boyfriend. I met him...

The weekend was mostly bad. Sunday was very bad. I ended my camping trip a little early because of anxiety and feeling like I was a big, fat , gross, disgusting excuse for a human being. Not sure why...

Saturday I had a Red neck Wedding Reception( her words, not mine) to go to for one of my best friends. It was a pig roast and everyone was bringing a dish to pass. Usually I wait to the day of the...

I think I have it figured it out. Feeling scared and like I am a child again. Jittery, distracted. Emotional, flighty.My stupid brain thinks it's in love. Shit! hell no. Not gonna happen. Stupid. I...

No one can really understand someone else's pain. I don't understand theirs, they don't get mine. The concept that someone manages their rage by touching flowers fucking blows my mind. My rage is...

I thought I had it under control but the past week wasn't so good. Lots of near tears and some tears I finally let go of. Lots of headaches. I have one now...ugh. I colored my hair. Not sure if I...

is the urge to kill all the ignorant twats.

Were there real estate agents in the 1800”s. Did they hold open houses?  In this dream they did.I was dressed in a mauve muslin dress and matching hat, There was white lace and ruffles at my...

The house was a 3 story Victorian house with a large cupola on top. The cupola had huge arched windows. I entered the house and saw a dark wood spiral staircase. As I ascended the steps I noticed a...

I wake up wanting to die.Grieving for a future that won’t come.  Grieving for a past that can’t be changed.All that is left is me. Broken, defective, fucked up, me.Splintered and fractured I am...

I have had 3 hours of sleep the last 2 nights. I am so tired. When I get this tired I can'r focus, I cry over everything and nothing and get so chilled it seems impossible to warm up.I feel like a...

So this whole trying to stay present thing is NOT pleasant. I have realized how much stuff is around me and inside of me. Staying tucked away in my head keeps me from being royally pissed off and...