A mostly good weekend
Saturday I had a Red neck Wedding Reception( her words, not mine) to go to for one of my best friends. It was a pig roast and everyone was bringing a dish to pass. Usually I wait to the day of the event to start thinking about what I am bringing but this time I went to the store the night before...about midnight.
I totally stressed because I couldn't find the long toothpicks with the frilly tops. I wandered the store for 45 minutes panicking. The same guy was cleaning the floor that was cleaning it the night before when I was there to get my own groceries. Every aisle I was in, there he was. We glanced at each other out of the corner of our eyes It became really awkward and we silently agreed not to make eye contact. Finally I decided that my little mozzarella balls, olives and cherry tomatoes could all go in a bowl together.
The event didn't start until 2:00 and is almost an hour drive. I was just getting out of the shower at 1:30 and needed to stop for gas on the way. I live near a high school that had something big going on and I couldn't get out of town without driving in the opposite direction from the way I needed to go which meant I needed to find a different gas station. No problem. There is one just by the entrance ramp to the expressway. Wrong. It was closed. Some issue with the pumps???? By this time I was almost shaking and beginning to cry. Finally I got on the road, found a gas station and was on my way.
I was fine then. Had a good time. I usually do have a good time but it a struggle getting out the door.
The Friday before I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. I was honest about the mood swings. The depression every morning, and the weekends. The depression that hits me in quiet moments. He always suggests another med but isn't pushy about it. He said some of my depression is situational and wondered if I might be lonely. I don't think I am but my therapist thinks so too. Maybe sometimes I feel lonely but I will find a way to deal with it. I don't think it is really an issue. It is embarrassing to have them think of me as lonely. It's like a weakness. I don't really understand the desire for a mate....well other than sex. Sometimes I don't understand the sex thing other. I run hot and cold. Some days horrified and disgusted and other days I could knock a man down and do all kinds of things to him...except look in his eyes.
I totally stressed because I couldn't find the long toothpicks with the frilly tops. I wandered the store for 45 minutes panicking. The same guy was cleaning the floor that was cleaning it the night before when I was there to get my own groceries. Every aisle I was in, there he was. We glanced at each other out of the corner of our eyes It became really awkward and we silently agreed not to make eye contact. Finally I decided that my little mozzarella balls, olives and cherry tomatoes could all go in a bowl together.
The event didn't start until 2:00 and is almost an hour drive. I was just getting out of the shower at 1:30 and needed to stop for gas on the way. I live near a high school that had something big going on and I couldn't get out of town without driving in the opposite direction from the way I needed to go which meant I needed to find a different gas station. No problem. There is one just by the entrance ramp to the expressway. Wrong. It was closed. Some issue with the pumps???? By this time I was almost shaking and beginning to cry. Finally I got on the road, found a gas station and was on my way.
I was fine then. Had a good time. I usually do have a good time but it a struggle getting out the door.
The Friday before I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. I was honest about the mood swings. The depression every morning, and the weekends. The depression that hits me in quiet moments. He always suggests another med but isn't pushy about it. He said some of my depression is situational and wondered if I might be lonely. I don't think I am but my therapist thinks so too. Maybe sometimes I feel lonely but I will find a way to deal with it. I don't think it is really an issue. It is embarrassing to have them think of me as lonely. It's like a weakness. I don't really understand the desire for a mate....well other than sex. Sometimes I don't understand the sex thing other. I run hot and cold. Some days horrified and disgusted and other days I could knock a man down and do all kinds of things to him...except look in his eyes.
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