CecilBGreen

crap I won't last night??? That should read "What is this crap I wrote last night?"

I sometimes feel everything so passionately. Happiness turns into a pure exquisite joy that swirls in me like sunshine on acid. Compassion fills me. Everything is beautiful and worthy of love. These...

She called crying asking to come stay with me for a few days. She wouldn't say why "can't talk about it right now" I have gotten that answer so many times the past few years. She has a few staples:...

Woke up and wished I was dead. I did try last night and this morning to put the thoughts out of my head. Just accept them as negative/sad/ feelings then move on. Not sure how well it worked or is...

It hasn't been a good weekend. Much of it has been spent over eating. I haven't showered or dressed or left the house. I am trying not to slip down the hole. My health is bad and it scares me and...

Abilify this time. I'm just so tired, achy, hurting, angry, depressed, frustrated, discouraged. And why do I fire off emails and hit send???? Why? I just sent tdoc a rant. Not directed at him just a...

On meds, off meds. Withdrawals, side effects. No sleep. Little sleep. Exhausted but can't sleep.Meds are not for me. I have tried Lexapro, Prozac, paxil, Effexor, wellbutrin, and celexa. Now I can...

I wish I could get past wanting the approval of my therapist. I feel it gets in the way of being open and being able to talk about some  things. I don't want him to see me in a bad light. I have...

Waking up is the worst part of my day. I feel sad, angry and my back is stiff. It will just be another day of hauling myself around, every step reminding me of how heavy I am. Another day of ignoring...

Things are bad right now. Tdoc says to cut myself some slack. He said I put too much pressure on myself. I need to lower my expectations. Lower my expectations. He said that I am trying to make...

 I am beginning to wonder how "innocent" I really was. I wonder if there was abuse that happened when I was too young to remember o if I was just a bad kid. I remember having behavior issues in...

Counseling isn't helping. I just hurt in some way all of the time.

I feel so sad. I'm sad for my daughter as I watch her struggle with no hope in sight. I raised her the best I could. I was not perfect. I made mistakes. I feel like I let her down and now she is...

I regret emailing my tdoc and posting about what I did when I was 10. I want people to like me. Everyone wants that. I made sure that will never happen. I am no different than my abuser. I didn't...

Yesterday was the worst I have had in a long time...or was it the day before. Anyway it was the day I had so much rage I scared myself. On my way to work today I was trying to decide if I should ...