CecilBGreen

I feel like I can't keep going. I go through cycles and it is tiring. I was fine, even good, for a few weeks then slowly I slide downhill. I am angry, sad, frustrated and other things that I don't...

I know that my anger and negativity push people away. I keep a lot of it hidden in real time but not always. My tdoc has seen it as well as a few others. Tdoc has probably seen it more and DS has...

I am only taking it because the panic attacks are worse. Last night I had 4 or 5. I am in such a worse place than before I went looking for "help". I broke down at work today. No one saw it happen at...

I have stopped seeing the psychiatrist after the last med he wanted to give me. Seroquel. I don't think so. It is probably a very good medication for some but it isn't for me. Even though I had...

The razor blade in the kitchen is so tempting. I haven't cut myself in years. I haven't done more than poked myself with a tack, slap my legs with a riding crop  or snap my wrist with a rubber...

I have background music in my head but it isn't music. It is a constant replay of things I have done wrong. Things I should have handled better. Worries about how other's see me. It is always there....

 I don't feel right.  I am watching myself slip over the edge. I slip quietly. Some people jump and scream on the way down. I am just dissolving. No one is noticing. I think they are probably tired...

I don’t know where to begin. I am so angry with him and I get the feeling he is angry with me. Fuck him. He wants me to feel….but only feel in session. Oh wait…that is a broad statement. He is...

The work situation has gotten so bad. I almost walked out today. I was so angry and upset I was shaking. I will have to take at least one xanax to get to sleep tonight. I was seriously thinking of a...

I didn't leave the apartment today. I am so alone and so sad. I was supposed to get together with friends but the plans were cancelled. To be  honest I wasn't really disappointed. I barely have a...

The depression is coming in waves. The dam finally broke today and I began sobbing. I had realized that the emotions come then I make up a story for them. I tried to figure out why the sadness in...

I missed him when it ended.The last day. The day it turned violent. I was scared and alone. My brother came to me. He spread my legs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I felt so trapped, I felt that was all I was...

some things stay inside me and poison me.   Things my mother told me.You are not smart enoughYou are not prettyYou look like a whoreYou are too fatYou are too thin 

I don't know if I can trust tdoc. I am so sad tonight. I feel like I am being crushed inside. I can't call him because he might say I need to be in the hospital. That would be the worst place for me...

I had the best Christmas nap. I was so comfy. Floating on a cloud, so peaceful. My body was relaxed. I never realized how tense I am until today.I had dreams....one after the other. Two stand out. In...