sex drugs and rock n roll. (TW)

Reading my previous entry over again I see I really took a fall down the rabbit hole. Almost 2am now. Still feeling a little electric and raw. Still restless. I listened to Candy's Room (Bruce Springsteen) and it reminded me of a time years ago when I handled my pain a different way. Right now, this minute, I miss it. My treatment of choice was a large amount of strong weed with a cocaine chaser. It felt so good. Slipping under the water where everything felt far away. Warm, floating like in a womb. then hearing my heart beat and feeling a low frequency hum move through my body. I would be lifted out of the water and sail though the sky. I had the best orgasms, either with myself or a partner. Full body and soul orgasms. It was only because i was so disconnected from my partner. I was having sex with him, he was inside me but my mind was floating up in the sky. I wish I could go there now. Oh my god...the peace was wonderful.