just sad

It hasn't been a good weekend. Much of it has been spent over eating. I haven't showered or dressed or left the house. I am trying not to slip down the hole. My health is bad and it scares me and saddens me. I can't seem to make the changes that would help me. I am trying not to beat myself up about this. I have spent years calling myself awful names and telling myself what a useless, ugly person I am. Some days I don't leave the house because I am so ashamed of myself.