I regret emailing my tdoc and posting about what I did when I was 10. I want people to like me. Everyone wants that. I made sure that will never happen. I am no different than my abuser. I didn't care about the other person.
You are being much too hard on yourself. And you are projecting how you think your tdoc is going to feel and respond. You are judging both yourself and your tdoc.
You say, \"/You are/ no different than /your/ abuser. /You/ didn\'t care about the other person.\" From this I am getting that you acted out and did something to someone else.
It\'s sad that some survivors act out in this way for it can continue the abuse cycle. I wonder if your ten-year-old self really knew the consequences of her behavior. At ten I say, NO.
What does a ten year old really know? You were doing to someone else what was being done to you--maybe different things, but still abuse and still acting-out.
I\'m not saying it was okay. We both know it\'s not. What I am saying is to grow some compassion for yourself. Take a look at the big picture. Look at what your 10 year old self knew about the world and kind, loving behaviors. What was she being taught? Her physical boundaries were violated, why in the world would you expect her to realize boundaries existed at all and that she was trespassing them with another.
You are not a horrible person--you were wounded. If you can, and if it will cause no undue disruption to the other person, make amends. I plan to if I should ever know the whereabouts of the person I acted out with when I was ten.
Replies
Cecil,
You are being much too hard on yourself. And you are projecting how you think your tdoc is going to feel and respond. You are judging both yourself and your tdoc.
You say, \"/You are/ no different than /your/ abuser. /You/ didn\'t care about the other person.\" From this I am getting that you acted out and did something to someone else.
It\'s sad that some survivors act out in this way for it can continue the abuse cycle. I wonder if your ten-year-old self really knew the consequences of her behavior. At ten I say, NO.
What does a ten year old really know? You were doing to someone else what was being done to you--maybe different things, but still abuse and still acting-out.
I\'m not saying it was okay. We both know it\'s not. What I am saying is to grow some compassion for yourself. Take a look at the big picture. Look at what your 10 year old self knew about the world and kind, loving behaviors. What was she being taught? Her physical boundaries were violated, why in the world would you expect her to realize boundaries existed at all and that she was trespassing them with another.
You are not a horrible person--you were wounded. If you can, and if it will cause no undue disruption to the other person, make amends. I plan to if I should ever know the whereabouts of the person I acted out with when I was ten.
xx