I remembered Jamie today
Yesterday was the worst I have had in a long time...or was it the day before. Anyway it was the day I had so much rage I scared myself. On my way to work today I was trying to decide if I should call the emergency line just to ask how to deal with that rage should it happen again. None of my tool worked. maybe I waited too long to use them or don't use them enough to be good at it.
In the middle of planning how to handle the anger I remembered Jamie. I had Cheryl and Lori and sometimes a Shannon but I think she was really Cheryl before I settled on a name. Then there was Jamie. Jamie was a girl who looked like a boy. Dressed like a boy and could do all the things boys could do. That is all I remember about Jamie
All these things, little things, come bouncing into my head lately. No connections to each other, or so it seems.
Choking is a theme. I get angry, I want to choke, I have been choked. I choke myself. Angry is the wrong word. Rage is better. Anger. I don't like anger but I am learning to manage it. I am learning slowly but learning. Rage is like falling off a cliff I never saw coming. I haven't felt that rage in a long time. At least since my daughter moved out.
In the middle of planning how to handle the anger I remembered Jamie. I had Cheryl and Lori and sometimes a Shannon but I think she was really Cheryl before I settled on a name. Then there was Jamie. Jamie was a girl who looked like a boy. Dressed like a boy and could do all the things boys could do. That is all I remember about Jamie
All these things, little things, come bouncing into my head lately. No connections to each other, or so it seems.
Choking is a theme. I get angry, I want to choke, I have been choked. I choke myself. Angry is the wrong word. Rage is better. Anger. I don't like anger but I am learning to manage it. I am learning slowly but learning. Rage is like falling off a cliff I never saw coming. I haven't felt that rage in a long time. At least since my daughter moved out.
Replies
Just letting you know I\'ve been here, and yesterday too. Sorry it\'s been so hard. What you described yesterday seems like a valid reason for blinding rage - a sane reaction to an insane situation.
I have also had rage, when I was young and as an adult. It does not happen often and has not happened in a long time. I believe what you said here about rage and anger. It seems anger is manageable but rage? Thats tough. It comes out of no where and I often ask myself if its deep seated resentment because that is where mine usually stems from. I wanted you to know I understand..